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some people say that we are spending too much money on personal events such as weendings birthdays? why it is important to celebrate these festivals .do you think we are spending to much money?

some people say that we are spending too much money on personal events such as weendings birthdays? why it is important to celebrate these festivals. do you think we are spending to much money? 3Yre5
It is irrefutable that in this contemporary era plethora of individuals become materialistic. However, individuals spend too much money on celebrations it is pondered by some individuals like weddings and birthday parties and other personal occasions. There are plethora of reasons behind the celebrations of individuals along with my opinion Which I well articulate in the forthcoming fragments. To commence with, there are myraid of predominant causes behind this celebrations. The first and foremost is that according to traditional rituals. To elucidate it, all the humans do these type of funations during either marrieages or other functions becouse it is in their culture to accomplish all the rituals in occasions. Moreover, owing to this some people utilise high amount of money on it, in order to show off front of other. Although, limited spending on these function are pivotal in order to celebrate it. However, those individuals who are affluent theyou want to show their high image to others. In my prospective humans spend huge amount of money in these events. Firstly, they organised parties weddings and even parties in that restaurants that is cost a fortune. Furthermore, they give order for special type of cuisins, drinks and invited their friends, relatives to join these occasions. Moreover they book that type of places which has costly amenities such as air conditioners in summer or heating system in winters owing to these reasons they spend toon much on the celebrations of personal events. To recapitulation, eventhough celebrations are neither bad nor someone avoid individuals to do this. As a contray, some persons utilize huge money on events to create their image high.
It is irrefutable that in this contemporary era plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
become materialistic.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
it
is pondered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
like weddings and birthday parties and other personal occasions. There are plethora of reasons behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
along with my opinion Which I well articulate in the forthcoming fragments.

To commence with, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraid
of predominant causes behind
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
. The
first
and foremost is that according to traditional rituals. To elucidate it, all the humans do these type of
Possible spelling mistake found.
funations
during either
Possible spelling mistake found.
marrieages
or other functions
Possible spelling mistake found.
becouse
it is in their culture to accomplish all the rituals in occasions.
Moreover
, owing to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
high amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on it, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off front of other.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, limited spending on
Did you mean "this function" or "these functions"?
these function
are pivotal in order to celebrate it.
However
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who are affluent
Possible spelling mistake found.
theyou
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their high image to others.

In my prospective humans spend huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Firstly
, they
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
parties weddings and even parties in that restaurants that
is cost
a fortune.
Furthermore
, they give order for special type of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cuisins
, drinks and invited their friends, relatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these occasions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they book that type of places which has costly amenities such as air conditioners in summer or heating system in winters owing to these reasons they spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
toon
much on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
of personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

To recapitulation,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrations
are neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
nor someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "avoids", "avoided".
avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to do this. As a
Possible spelling mistake found.
contray
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons
Do not mix variants of the same word ('utilize' and 'utilise') within a single text.
utilize
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to create their image high.

IELTS essay some people say that we are spending too much money on personal events such as weendings birthdays? why it is important to celebrate these festivals. do you think we are spending to much money?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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