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Some people say that watching TV has bad effects on children. However, others are against with this statement. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people say that watching TV has bad effects on children. However, others are against with this statement. QLRPb
Indeed, watching television has become a trend, nowadays. A bevy of masses ponder that watching TV has adverse effects on children's life. Nonetheless, others are totally against with statement. I will embellish my future paragraphs by discussing the both viable prospectives as follows: At the outset, multiple deleterious effects of watching television on children are: the luminous one is; mostly young people watch TV for a long time. So, they are being suffered from many ailments like, obesity, eyesight weak and so on. Moreover, deprived from their study. By which, by watching tv for a long time, children can not concentrate on their studies. So, by watching TV, children not only become unfit as well as unhealthy but also remain unsuccessful in their life entirely. Paradoxically, "every coin has two sides". Though watching television has innumerous bad repurcussions but fruitful results of TV can never be neglected. First and foremost, children enhance their knowledge about different types of things. For example, discovery channel is well renowned and children not only come to know about flora and fauna, but also the environment as well as new inventions profoundly. Furthermore, television is considered as the best source for improving visual aid skills. By which, children can communicate with others. By analysing above mentioned views, I conclude that watching television has both bad as well as fruitful results. But if juveniles will watch television for a limited period of time, their bad results can be neglected wisely.
Indeed
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has become a trend, nowadays. A bevy of masses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "ponders"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'ponder' is not always incorrect.)
ponder
that watching TV has adverse effects on children's life. Nonetheless, others are
totally
against with statement. I will embellish my future paragraphs by discussing the both viable
Possible spelling mistake found.
prospectives
as follows:

At the outset, multiple deleterious effects of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are: the luminous one is;
mostly
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV for a long time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are
being suffered
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ailments like, obesity, eyesight weak and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
their study. By which, by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
for a long time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not concentrate on their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by watching TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
become unfit as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
remain unsuccessful in their life
entirely
.

Paradoxically
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
every coin has two sides
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. Though watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
innumerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake found.
repurcussions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
fruitful results of TV can never
be neglected
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enhance their knowledge about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of things.
For example
, discovery channel is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
renowned and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about flora and fauna,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the environment as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as new inventions
profoundly
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is considered
as the best source for improving visual aid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. By which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can communicate with others.

By
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
above mentioned views, I conclude that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as fruitful results.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if juveniles will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a limited period of time, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results can
be neglected
wisely
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that watching TV has bad effects on children. However, others are against with this statement.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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