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Some people say that the teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that the teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. v. 1
At the present time, both men and women are working side by side in order to develop the world. If we look around us carefully, we can see that women are contributing in every aspect of life. Despite that, a group of people think that women are naturally less competitive than men. I strongly disagree with the view and this essay will discuss about the topic in great detail. Nowadays, women are not only confined to their homes, but also actively participating in all the worldly activities equally as men. For example, women are becoming pilots, professors, doctors, politicians and even the prime minister in some countries. Although, there are some underdeveloped countries where women have a much limited scope of work, even women in that region work as a worker or other kinds of job. In spite of these achievements some people believe that men are naturally more competitive than women, which really has no basis. In addition, women also take care of their children, which itself is a gigantic task. Sometimes, it has been seen that a single mother is taking care of her child and doing job in parallel. A recent study has shown, that a single mother with children are doing a far better job to raise their children than a single father. To summarize, we can say that both men and women are playing an equally important part to improve our world and women are certainly not less competitive than men. In fact, if we see the reports we can say that women can be more competitive if not equal.
At the present time, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are working side by side in order to develop the world. If we look around us
carefully
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are contributing in every aspect of life. Despite that, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
naturally
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. I
strongly
disagree with the view and this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
topic in great detail.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
confined to their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
actively
participating in all the worldly activities
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are becoming pilots, professors, doctors, politicians and even the prime minister in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underdeveloped countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
limited scope of work, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in that region work as a worker or other kinds of job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these achievements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
naturally
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, which
really
has no basis.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
also
take care of their children, which itself is a gigantic task.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a single mother is taking care of her child and doing job in parallel. A recent study has shown, that a single mother with children are doing a far better job to raise their children than a single father.

To summarize
, we can say that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are playing an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
certainly
not less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. In fact, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the reports we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
if not equal.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people say that the teaching method with a teacher and students in a classroom will not exist by the year 2050. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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