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Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this?What is your opinion?

Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this? What is your opinion? 2bOmA
It is considered that the preventative measures of health issues are better than the treatment, therefore, government financing ought to be turned to prophylaxis. In my opinion, such approach will benefit both the individuals and society due to the reasons described in this essay. Although it is sometimes thought that avoidance of diseases is impossible, following the preventive methods can be the key to health. Firstly, individuals have to follow a balanced diet without bad fats and with the proper amount of proteins which bring harmony to the whole body. In such a way, most people can lose irritable feelings and fluctuation of mood. To continue with preventive methods of illness the non-sedentary lifestyle should be mentioned. The flush of blood, the breathing and the pressure can become normal during exercising and active work. Once it is done, it makes the organism work correctly. Finally, on no account should physical education be ignored. If the young people are willing to stay healthy, the schedule must include the time for this discipline. Due to the above-mentioned reasons, the government funding is needed for various programs to sustain the body healthy. Rarely do some people realize that sports activity and nutrition could be provided by subsidizing different programs. They might help to reduce stress, improve memory and concentration and allow to show better results in studying or working. If active life would be in trend and affordable, the level of people’s well-being could become much better. As a result, society could get more effective employees who are likely to assist in increasing economic growth. Consequently, the government would gain back its investments To conclude, I believe that the prevention of illnesses and diseases is a kind of responsibility of every citizen, however, politics should support financially to make its nation healthy.
It
is considered
that the preventative measures of health issues are better than the treatment,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
financing ought to
be turned
to prophylaxis. In my opinion, such approach will benefit both the individuals and society due to the reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this essay.

Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that avoidance of diseases is impossible, following the preventive methods can be the key to health.
Firstly
, individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow a balanced diet without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
fats and with the proper amount of proteins which bring harmony to the whole body. In such a way, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can lose irritable feelings and fluctuation of mood. To continue with preventive methods of illness the non-sedentary lifestyle should
be mentioned
. The flush of blood, the breathing and the pressure can become normal during exercising and active work. Once it
is done
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the organism work
correctly
.
Finally
, on no account should physical education be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. If the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to stay healthy, the schedule
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include the time for this discipline.

Due to the above-mentioned reasons, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
funding
is needed
for various programs to sustain the body healthy. Rarely do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
realize that sports activity and nutrition could
be provided
by subsidizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
programs. They might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
memory and concentration and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
better results in studying or working. If active life would be in trend and affordable, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
well-being could become much better.
As a result
, society could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more effective employees who are likely to assist in increasing economic growth.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would gain back its investments

To conclude
, I believe that the prevention of illnesses and diseases is a kind of responsibility of every citizen,
however
, politics should support
financially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
its nation healthy.

IELTS essay Some people say that the prevention of health problems is more important than the treatment of illness and disease and that Government funding should reflect this? What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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