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Some people say that the best way to improve public health it's by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and the other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether or not building more athletic facilities in the area would increase the health quality of the public is the issue of interest. Many people agree that constructing more sport services would cause a positive effect on the community’s health, whereas others do not believe that this action alone would help. This essay illustrates both views of the topic and represents significant reasons and examples. Constructing more sport facilities allows people in the wider area to have access to the service because in some countryside areas, there are not enough gyms for every person who wants to attend the facilities. Furthermore, an increase in the number of sports facilities also reduces distance between the facilities, houses and workplaces, which is one of the factors discouraging sport activities. For example, people who live in a suburban area have to travel for more than an hour to go to the closest gym, but reducing the travel distance saves them both time and effort. However, Promotion of the essential of exercising is also a substantial requirement on improving public health. Most people who do not exercise believe that the various reasons behind their decision are correct and use that as an excuse, some say they prefer to spend their time to study or work, some hate to lose in sport events, and these mindsets cannot change by building more sports facilities. Therefore, it is important to educate people how exercise can reduces chances of getting diseases, improves your emotional state and allows people to spend time with your family and friends. In conclusion, increasing the number of sport facilities gives access to people in wider areas. But I agree with the second view that other factors are needed to improve public health including promoting the importance of sport and set a good mindset in exercising.
Consider shortening this phrase to just “Whether”. It is correct though if you mean ‘regardless of whether’.
Whether or not
building more athletic facilities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
would increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
quality of the public is the issue of interest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that constructing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
services would cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the community’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, whereas others do not believe that this action alone would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This essay illustrates both views of the topic and represents significant reasons and examples.

Constructing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to have access to the service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
gyms for every person who wants to attend the facilities.
Furthermore
, an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
distance between the facilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and workplaces, which is one of the factors discouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel for more than an hour to go to the closest gym,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reducing the travel distance saves them both time and effort.

However
, Promotion of the essential of exercising is
also
a substantial requirement on improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not exercise believe that the various reasons behind their decision are correct and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that as an excuse,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say they prefer to spend their time to study or work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hate to lose in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, and these mindsets cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
how exercise can
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
reduces
chances of getting diseases,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
your emotional state and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend time with your family and friends.

In conclusion
, increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities gives access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in wider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second view that other factors
are needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
including promoting the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mindset in exercising.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health it's by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and the other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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