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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is said that a healthy mind is in a healthy body. The role of physical activities in improving the general well-being of the people is undeniable. A huge number of people claim that the best way to uplift public health is by increasing the number of recreational facilities. While some others opine that other ways would be more appreciated to have a healthy society. The following essay will discuss in detail the two statements. To begin with, there have been lots of efforts done by the government to raise public health, nowadays. As can be seen in the modern world there have been countless gyms built in many residential areas and people can access sports centres without any limitation. Although sport is a good way to stay healthy, making a bulk of sports facilities is not enough to encourage people to do sport. Most of the members started in full excitement to join each activity, but could not afford to do what they promised since in the present time we expect to be able to achieve a great deal with little effort. On the other hand, other measures like air pollution, changing lifestyle, lack of awareness about health issues are more important to improve public health. During our lifetime we changed our lifestyles much. Especially, people give different priorities to the ways which affect their health than before. Individuals put their jobs to the priority and for the most time, they have been competing to reach their goals which can lead to increased stress in their body, for instance. Stress can have varying effects on eating problems and weight. Often, stress is related to weight gain and obesity, therefore, can cause heart attack and decreased healthiness. In conclusion, to improve public health objects such as swimming pools, stadiums, and gyms are required. However other measures focused on a healthy diet, proper education, and changing a lifestyle by insisting on decreasing the stress level will be more beneficial.
It
is said
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
mind is in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
body. The role of physical activities in improving the general well-being of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is undeniable. A huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to uplift
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is by increasing the number of recreational facilities.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
would be more
The verb ‘appreciated’ is used with the gerund form: “appreciated having”.
appreciated to have
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society. The following essay will discuss in detail the two statements.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there have been lots of efforts done by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, nowadays. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the modern world there have been countless gyms built in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
residential areas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
without any limitation. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, making a bulk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. Most of the members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in full excitement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
each activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not afford to do what they promised since in the present time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to be able to achieve a great deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effort.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures like air pollution, changing lifestyle, lack of awareness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. During our lifetime we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our lifestyles much.
Especially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
priorities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Individuals put their jobs to the priority and for the most time, they have been competing to reach their goals which can lead to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in their body,
for instance
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Stress
can have varying effects on eating problems and weight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is related
to weight gain and obesity,
therefore
, can cause heart attack and decreased healthiness.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
objects such as swimming pools, stadiums, and gyms
are required
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures focused on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, proper education, and changing a lifestyle by insisting on decreasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
level will be more beneficial.

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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