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Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of children playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

People use computers more extensively these days than ever before, and it is so widespread in our modern world that even children have access to these devices for playing games or watching videos. This essay discusses the disadvantages of playing digital games on computer devices by youngsters and suggests some measures to reduce such negative effects. Concerning the adverse impacts of young children playing video games, the most devastating one is the addiction these games create. Millions of dollar are spent to make computer games so that they attract a large number of audience and keep them glued to the computer screens. So they are addictive by design and this obsession hampers children's outdoor activities, studies and even time to socialise and learn important life skills. Many research works suggest that children who spend many hours playing computer games end up performing poorly in schools and avoid social events and outdoor activities. This results in physical and psychological issues including poor eyesight and despair. Moreover, violent games cloud the youngsters' judgement and make their rational thinking unstable. Oftentimes, youngsters who play violent games develop violent behaviours. To minimise the severity of these negative impacts, parents must monitor what their children are doing, especially on computers. They should not be allowed to play computer games more than a couple of hours each week and parents can actively take part in those games with their children so that it becomes family time. Children's outdoor activities should be taken seriously and parents should take them out whenever possible. Finally, parents can use parental control on the digital contents and games their children watch or play. This would deter children from downloading and playing games that are not suitable for their age. To conclude, computer games, when played excessively by children, have many detrimental effects. Proper parenting and monitoring seem like the best solution to solve these problems
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People
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use
computers more
extensively
these days than ever
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before
, and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
widespread in our modern world that even
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children
have access to these devices for
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or watching videos. This essay discusses the disadvantages of
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playing
digital
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games
on computer devices by youngsters and suggests
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some
measures to
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reduce
such
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negative
effects.

Concerning the adverse impacts of young
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children
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playing
video
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games
, the most devastating one is the addiction these
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games
create. Millions of dollar
are spent
to
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make
computer
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games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
audience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them glued to the computer screens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are addictive by design and this obsession hampers children's outdoor activities, studies and even time to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘socialise’ is British English.
socialise
and learn
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important
life
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skills
.
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Many
research works suggest that
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children
who spend
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many
hours
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playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up performing
poorly
in schools and avoid social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and outdoor activities. This results in physical and psychological issues including poor eyesight and despair.
Moreover
, violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cloud the youngsters' judgement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their rational thinking unstable. Oftentimes, youngsters who play violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
develop violent
Possible spelling mistake. ‘behaviours’ is British English.
behaviours
.

To
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minimise
the severity of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts,
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
monitor what their
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children
are doing,
especially
on computers. They should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to play computer
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games
more than a couple of hours each week and
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parents
can
actively
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take part
in those
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games
with their
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it becomes family time. Children's outdoor activities should
be taken
seriously
and
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parents
should take them out whenever possible.
Finally
,
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parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
parental control on the digital contents and
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games
their
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
or play. This would deter
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children
from downloading and
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playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are not suitable for their age.

To conclude
, computer
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games
, when played
excessively
by
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children
, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects. Proper parenting and monitoring seem like the best solution to solve these
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
problems

IELTS essay Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of children playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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