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some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. other ,however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required llx9
The increase in numbers of patients, and similarly the climb in many new illnesses made numerous authorities think of new ways of developing a health situation in their societies. Regarding these problems, some believe that a better situation may come out by rising the number of sports equipment and facilities. Conversely, some contend that this would not have any impact on public health, and other solutions are needed. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both sides, also I would give my own stance. It is claimed that society will face a better public health condition by raising the numbers of sports facilities. It is asserted that this way people may use more of these instruments and this way they may have better health status. For instance, having these appliances in parks may gather people for a group workout and stimulate them to exercise more. Likewise, having them in an apartment's shared areas or even in a workplace may have the same outcome. After all, having a more equipped area may encourage individuals to work out more regularly. On the other hand, some assert that just improving sports facilities would not be enough thus, more considerations should be find out. Firstly, it is declared that many people do not have enough time for exercise, and some do not enjoy that at all, although it can be interesting for some it would not work for a majority of them. In addition, more solutions are needed for a healthier society rather than sports instruments. For example, a healthy diet is fundamental for a human's body if they want to be in a good condition. Moreover, some presume just having the chance for a workout would not be enough, and publicizing is essential by media to encourage society. Therefore, just creating the chance for the public to improve their health may not be enough. To wrap up, developing the number of sports appliances might have some advantages. Even though, in my opinion, more measures are required too, hence all these factors, which were mentioned, above might encourage, also help the society to put their health status in better condition.
The increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of patients, and
similarly
the climb in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new illnesses made numerous authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of new ways of developing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
situation in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. Regarding these problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
situation may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out by rising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
equipment and facilities.
Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contend that this would not have any impact on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and other solutions
are needed
. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss both sides,
also
I would give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
stance.

It
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will face a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition by raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. It
is asserted
that this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more of these instruments and this way they may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
these appliances in parks may gather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for a group workout and stimulate them to exercise more.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
them in an apartment's shared areas or even in a workplace may have the same outcome.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a more equipped area may encourage individuals to work out more
regularly
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assert that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
thus
, more considerations should be find out.
Firstly
, it
is declared
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for exercise, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not enjoy that at all, although it can be interesting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it would not work for a majority of them.
In addition
, more solutions
are needed
for a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
instruments.
For example
, a healthy diet is fundamental for a human's body if they want to be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
presume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the chance for a workout would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, and publicizing is essential by media to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
creating the chance for the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
may not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

To wrap up, developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
appliances might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.
Even though
, in my opinion, more measures
are required
too,
hence
all these factors, which
were mentioned
, above might encourage,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
status in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
condition.
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IELTS essay some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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