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disfrutando el dia en el parque

disfrutando el dia en el parque WjD5
Today is my granny's birthday, so we decided to invite her somewhere. She decided to go with all our relatives to a beautiful park on the outskirts of town. The park has many trees and a beautiful lake where we can watch the boats sail. My family is happy. Everyone's doing different activities. My grandparents are taking a walk, my granny wears a long brown skirt, with a gray shirt and orange shoes. My grandpa is wearing a brown pants, white shirt, coffee shoes and a cane that helps him walk better. My cousin Maria Antonia and her little brother Philip are building castles on the sand. Antonia is wearing a green blouse and orange pants, Philip is wearing a blue sweater with brown trousers and blue shoes, by the way she brought her red playful cart, which I gave him in his previous birthday. My cousin Katya is riding bike and listening to music, she's wearing a pink blouse and fur leggings. My Marian cousin Katya's sister, she's doing yoga under a tree. She is wearing her favorite purple blouse and her special blue pants to do yoga. My uncle Mario is with his wife watching the beautiful sunset by the lake. My uncle is wearing a hat with grey buse and green pants, his wife is wearing a brown blouse and blue pants. My dad's walking my bossy puppy while he's having a delicious coffee. On the other hand, my mom is sitting on a small towel in the grass, reading her favorite book and enjoying the quiet atmosphere. I'm very happy here, enjoying myself with my family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
is my granny's birthday,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we decided to invite her somewhere. She decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
all our relatives to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
park on the outskirts of town. The park has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trees and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
lake where we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the boats sail.

My family is happy. Everyone's doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities. My grandparents are taking a walk, my granny wears a long brown skirt, with a gray shirt and orange shoes. My grandpa is wearing a brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pants
, white shirt, coffee shoes and a cane that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him walk better.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
My
cousin Maria Antonia and her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother Philip are building castles on the sand. Antonia is wearing a green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blouse
and orange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pants
, Philip is wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue
sweater with brown trousers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue
shoes, by the way she brought her red playful cart, which I gave him in his previous birthday.

My cousin Katya is riding bike and listening to music, she's wearing a pink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blouse
and fur leggings.

My Marian cousin Katya's sister, she's doing yoga under a tree. She is wearing her favorite purple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blouse
and her special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pants
to do yoga.

My uncle Mario is with his wife watching the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sunset by the lake. My uncle is wearing a hat with
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
Possible spelling mistake found.
buse
and green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pants
, his wife is wearing a brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blouse
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
blue
pants.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
My
dad's walking my bossy puppy while he's having a delicious coffee.
On the other hand
, my mom is sitting on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towel in the grass, reading her favorite book and enjoying the quiet atmosphere. I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy here, enjoying myself with my family.
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IELTS essay disfrutando el dia en el parque

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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