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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and express your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. JMla
Although a group of people presumes that improving the facilities of sports is the most ideal way to develop the health condition of mass people and another group believes that other things are entirely necessary to improve public health including sanitization, immunization, nutrition, hospital care and so on. I also believe that undertaking collective measures is the beneficial approach rather than only concentrating on sports. First of all, Everybody knows that physical exercise is the key to good health and sports is the most popular and significant form of physical exercise. For not participating sports activities on a regular basis, a lot of people are becoming overweight, fatigued and suffering from hypertension as well. A recent study showed that about 40% of the young people and teenagers don't exercise even for 30 minutes a day. Therefore, a 5% increased number young people are coming to doctors due to their physical inactivity according to that study. Developing sports facilities such as establishing playgrounds, gymnesiums or athletic grounds won't help much if we don't become conscious to take part in sports and keep other factors unnoticed. Besides sports facilities, the concerned authorities have many factors to focus. Most importantly, a balanced diet can keep us away from nutrition-related disease such as: night blindness, anemia, rickets and so on and sanitation will protect us from bacterial and gastrointestinal diseases. In addition, immunization with vaccines helps people to prevent viral diseases and hospital care ensures proper care for disease-affected people. According to a recent global health report, the proportion of malnourished people dropped about 60% in the past 20 years. To sum up, sports is one of the noticeable factors to promote public health but it's not the only factor to consider. Implementing a combined approach with diet, exercise, prevention and appropriate treatment of disease can ensure a significant and long-term welfare of global health according to my perspective.
Although a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
presumes that improving the facilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the most ideal way to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and another group believes that other things are
entirely
necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
including sanitization, immunization, nutrition, hospital care and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I
also
believe that undertaking collective measures is the beneficial approach
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concentrating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Everybody knows that physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is the most popular and significant form of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. For not participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities on a regular basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming overweight, fatigued and suffering from hypertension
as well
. A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that about 40% of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
even for 30 minutes a day.
Therefore
, a 5% increased number young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are coming to doctors due to their physical inactivity according to that study. Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities such as establishing playgrounds,
Possible spelling mistake found.
gymnesiums
or athletic grounds won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
much if we don't become conscious to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
unnoticed.
Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, the concerned authorities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to focus. Most
importantly
, a balanced diet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us away from nutrition-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
such as: night blindness, anemia, rickets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on and sanitation will protect us from bacterial and gastrointestinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
In addition
, immunization with vaccines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
viral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and hospital care ensures proper care for disease-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to a recent global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
report, the proportion of malnourished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dropped about 60% in the past 20 years. To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is one of the noticeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to promote public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to consider. Implementing a combined approach with diet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, prevention and appropriate treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can ensure a significant and long-term welfare of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
according to my perspective.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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