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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Some believe that the suitable way to create healthy environment is to create the sports facilities others believe that it has a minimal impact on health therefore, other factors will be required to improve health. I am of the opinion that the other measures have more role in wellbeing of others such as curbing pollution and nuisance from the environment and maintaining good quality of the food. Sport facilities should be created in order to create the healthy environment in society as playing sports in regular basis will create the stamina and have positive impact on mental health and activeness of person. For instance, according to the research in Oxford University those who are involve in sports activities in their early ages and maintain the habit of it are more likely to be active and healthy in their older age. However, I am of the opinion that creating sport complex might not bring masses towards playing outdoor games hence, in order to improve health other factors has to be taken into consideration. Outdoor games have the trivial impact on health of people and other measures need to be taken in order to improve public health. As very few of the people engage themselves in sports activities and are not fond of playing games but health issues in public can be curb by cutting out pollution and nuisance from the surroundings such as promote cycling and walking to travel in nearby areas whereas, healthly eating habits should also be promoted. For example, In Taiwan, sidewalk ways and cycling paths are constructed along the road to create the habit of walking and cycling which is also helping in reducing CO2 and air pollution from the country. In my opinion alternate ways and strategies will have more positive results on the health of others. In conclusion, sport facilities might engage some percentage of population but implementing other measures will have more positive outcome for majority.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the suitable way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
healthy environment is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities others believe that it has a minimal impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors will
be required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I am of the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures have more role in wellbeing of others such as curbing pollution and nuisance from the environment and maintaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of the food.

Sport facilities should
be created
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the healthy environment in society as playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in regular basis will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the stamina and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and activeness of person.
For instance
, according to the research in Oxford University those who are
Consider using either the past participle “involved” or the present participle “involving” here.
involve
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities in their early ages and maintain the habit of it are more likely to be active and healthy in their older age.
However
, I am of the opinion that creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
complex might not bring masses towards playing outdoor games
hence
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
into consideration.

Outdoor games have the trivial impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures need to
be taken
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engage themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities and are not fond of playing games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues in public can be
The past participle is required after “can be”.
curb
by cutting out pollution and nuisance from the surroundings such as promote cycling and walking to travel in nearby areas whereas,
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthly
eating habits should
also
be promoted
.
For example
, In Taiwan, sidewalk ways and cycling paths
are constructed
along the road to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the habit of walking and cycling which is
also
helping in reducing CO2 and air pollution from the country. In my opinion alternate ways and strategies will have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
results on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of others.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities might engage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percentage of population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures will have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome for majority.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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