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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Public health improvement solutions are so common in societies. Although some people believe that the quantity of sports centres may increase the awareness of people regarding to healthy life, others have opposite opinion as other solutions need to be implemented. This essay will discuss the enhancement of public health and the possible solutions to increase public attendance. Firstly, the quantity of leisure activity centres makes them easy to access in terms of distance from inhabitant location. The free time is so valuable for people and they would like to use it as efficient as possible so the accessibility to sports centre in a short time is crucial for busy people. For instance, if I had a chance to spend five minutes to get to the sports centre rather than spending an hour, I would definitely feel more motivated and follow activities regularly so the number of areas which are allocated for sports activities may increase the number of attendance. On the other hand, qualification or expertness of leisure centres have the importance on public health. While the people may want to flexibility of their body, with the lack of expertness, they may hurt some part of their body and have health issue on their life so the selection of sports centres regarding to their capability have importance on people lives and this should be investigated before registration to a centre. In conclusion, despite the accessibility of sport centre may seem attractive for doing sport activity, it also brings drawbacks as well. It seems to me that we must register a sport centre which provide us professional support. Otherwise the outcome of activity will be worse than not to do it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
improvement solutions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common in societies. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
may increase the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The phrase ‘regarding to’ is not correct. Use “regarding” or “regard to”.
regarding to
healthy life, others have opposite opinion as other solutions need to
be implemented
. This essay will discuss the enhancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and the possible solutions to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
attendance.

Firstly
, the quantity of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them easy to access in terms of distance from inhabitant location. The free time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable for
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as efficient as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the accessibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
in a short time is crucial for busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, if I had a chance to spend five minutes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
rather
than spending an hour, I would definitely feel more motivated and follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the number of areas which
are allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may increase the number of attendance.

On the other hand
, qualification or expertness of leisure
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
have the importance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may want to flexibility of their body, with the lack of expertness, they may hurt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their body and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue on their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
The phrase ‘regarding to’ is not correct. Use “regarding” or “regard to”.
regarding to
their capability have importance on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
lives
and this should
be investigated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
registration to a
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
.

In conclusion
, despite the accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
may seem attractive for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, it
also
brings drawbacks
as well
. It seems to me that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
register a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
which provide us professional support.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
the outcome of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will be worse than not to do it.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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