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Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. GN3pm
It is believed that increasing the sport services will enhance physical well-being of an individual. In my view, even though improving sports facilities which will allow people to visit them at their convenient time and place helping to enrich their health, it is not sufficient to motivate them to continue working on their fitness. There are many factors playing equal and important role. This essay will discuss both the points followed by a reasoned conclusion. Increase in sport facilities will lead to improvement in training rendered as well as equipment available. This will give an opportunity to individual to choose suitable or best option from different type of sports services available, making them excited and motivated to show up everyday. People with their busy schedule find very difficult to allocate time for traveling and workout at their convenient time, ending up making excuse and failing to perform. But improving the facilities will increase the frequency of sports club at different location opened in different timings. This will encourage the people to enrol at their nearby location and make progress during their free time. Fitness facilities have confirmed that 80% of the members are residents of neighbourhood localities or workplace and enthusiast to work out during free time of work or after the work. On the other hand, sport facilities are not enough for an individual to motivate to continue progressing in the long run. There are other factors as well which must be taken into consideration such as dietary habits, regular medical checks, maintaining proper hygiene. Only joining the sports club will not help, they lack motivation to continue showing up daily after some time. A study conducted by New York Fitness club revealed people stopped re-joining after a month of their membership due to lack of motivation. To summarize, increase in sport facilities will help in enhancing the public health giving them liberty to choose from multiple fitness option and available location and time. However, there should be other ways to boost them and motivate them to continue performing. Also, there are multiple factors which plays an important role in improving the physical well-being.
It
is believed
that increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
services will enhance physical well-being of an individual. In my view,
even though
improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit them at their convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and place helping to enrich their health, it is not sufficient to motivate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
working on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors playing equal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. This essay will discuss both the points followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities will lead to improvement in training rendered
as well
as equipment available. This will give an opportunity to individual to choose suitable or best option from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
services available, making them excited and motivated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with their busy schedule find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for traveling and workout at their convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, ending up making excuse and failing to perform.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
improving the facilities will increase the frequency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
location opened in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
timings. This will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enrol at their nearby location and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fitness
facilities have confirmed that 80% of the members are residents of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
localities or workplace and enthusiast to work out during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of work or after the work.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for an individual to motivate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
progressing in the long run. There are other factors
as well
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into consideration such as dietary habits, regular medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
, maintaining proper hygiene.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
club will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, they lack motivation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
showing up daily after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. A study conducted by New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fitness
club revealed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
re-joining after a month of their membership due to lack of motivation.

To summarize
, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in enhancing the public health giving them liberty to choose from multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
option and available location and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, there should be other ways to boost them and motivate them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
performing.
Also
, there are multiple factors which plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in improving the physical well-being.
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IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sport facilities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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