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Older people should be looked by their children, not by the government .To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Older people should be looked by their children, not by the government. gYqJ1
There is no denying the fact that senior citizen are the inseparable part of the community. It is often argued that it would be wise if children take care of their parents and does not involve government in this. Personally, I strongly support the idea because children are morally and socially obligatory towards their parents and also they will be well cared by their own offspring. Predominantly, taking care of the parents is one of the moral and social duty of the children. It is commonly seen that during their whole life parents try their best to fulfil all the needs and desires of their young ones whether it could be education, food or shelter. Thereafter, when they reach at the last phase of their life, it would be high time to pay them back for their deeds. For instance, providing best medical care to them when they fall sick or supporting it could be financial help. Overall, a child is obliged morally and socially towards their parents wellbeing. Furthermore, due to having strong bond parents would feel more secure and comfortable in the company of their loved ones. Apart from having a biological connection, children are the one who are more aware about the diverse needs of their parents, which might be helpful to look after them well. Additionally, being in an old age when they cannot do the basic things such as showering or toileting, the role of children become more prominant as no one can better assist them in such things than their own kids. Therefore, the care of parents by their own children can not be replaced by anyone else. In conclusion, having cansidered all the points, I wholeheartedly feel that children are not only moral and socially responsible to be with their elderly parents but the level of comfort they feel when surrounded by their own offsprings can not be descirbed. . Thus, it would be highly recommend to support older people by their children rather than relaying on government support.
There is no denying the fact that senior citizen are the inseparable part of the community. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that it would be wise if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and does not involve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in this.
Personally
, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
morally
and
socially
obligatory towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
also
they will be well cared by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
offspring.

Predominantly
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is one of the moral and social duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that during their whole life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try their best to fulfil all the needs and desires of their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
whether it could be education, food or shelter. Thereafter, when they reach at the last phase of their life, it would be high time to pay them back for their deeds.
For instance
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "providing the best".
providing best
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to them when they fall sick or supporting it could be financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Overall
, a child
is obliged
morally
and
socially
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
.

Furthermore
, due to having strong bond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would feel more secure and comfortable in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Apart from having a biological connection,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the one who are more aware about the diverse needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which might be helpful to look after them well.
Additionally
, being in an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age when they cannot do the basic things such as showering or toileting, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "becomes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'become' is not always incorrect.)
become
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
prominant
as no one can better assist them in such things than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kids.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not
be replaced
by anyone else.

In conclusion
, having
Possible spelling mistake found.
cansidered
all the points, I
wholeheartedly
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
moral and
socially
responsible to be with their elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the level of comfort they feel when surrounded by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings can
not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
descirbed
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Thus
, it would be
highly
Consider using a past participle here: "recommended".
recommend
to support older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than relaying on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
support.
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IELTS essay Older people should be looked by their children, not by the government.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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