Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. NrmOW
It argued that by doing part-time jobs teenagers will learn vital lessons about their respective work and become more disciplined; however, others think that students should focus more on their activities and take proper care after school. This essay will examine both views. On the one hand, supporters of part-time work put argument that it helps to prepare teenagers for the future job. To be more specific, when a student do work, he gets exposure to new things and meet with new people; gain valuable skills such as communication which is an integral requirement of multitudecompanies. To illustrate, in recent times, a number of various industries are likely to prefer those candidates who have excellent skill of interaction. Additionally, at workplace they ought to follow rules and regulations; as a result, they automatically inculcate sense of discipline which will definitely helpful in their future job. Therefore, part-time job is required to be a successful person in later life. On the other hand, those who are in the favor of extracurricular activities says that part-time jobs would affect badly learners study. As young people are already under the burden of numerous academic subjects. If they do jobs after school instead of study, they will certainly get lower marks. Another point is that participation in extra activities including games would not only benefit their health but also enable them to concentrate effectively on studies, which is not possible in case of part-time jobs, due to absence of adequate time. Studies have proved that students who play games such as football after their school have better stamina, and they tend to score better in their exams. In conclusion, although extra activities after school may be useful from study and health point of view, part-time work can give them opportunities to flourish in their future career. I believe that students should do part jobs after school.
It argued that by doing part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will learn vital lessons about their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and become more disciplined;
however
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should focus more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and take proper care after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay will examine both views. On the one hand, supporters of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
put argument that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to prepare
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
for the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. To be more specific, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
exposure to new things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
; gain valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication which is an integral requirement of
Possible spelling mistake found.
multitudecompanies
. To illustrate, in recent times, a number of various industries are likely to prefer those candidates who have excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of interaction.
Additionally
, at workplace they ought to follow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations;
as a result
, they
automatically
inculcate sense of discipline which will definitely helpful in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is required
to be a successful person in later life.
On the other hand
, those who are in the favor of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
says that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
would affect
badly
learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are already under the burden of numerous academic subjects. If they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower marks. Another point is that participation in extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
including games would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enable them to concentrate
effectively
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, which is not possible in case of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, due to absence of adequate time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Studies
have proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who play games such as football after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have better stamina, and they tend to score better in their exams.
In conclusion
, although extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
may be useful from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and health point of view, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can give them opportunities to flourish in their future career. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should do part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts