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Do you agree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in life. v.7

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in life. v. 7
There are many opinions whether a student' s future career achievement may be due to classmates influence or regular support provided by his parents. From my perspective, it varies among the case due to following factors. On one side, classmate have a large effect on child' s success in the future. Firstly, Child can have a positive influence by his classmate. Child spent most of the day time in class, it allows child interact with friends; Therefore, he knows how to improve his social skills and also build up his team work in class. Furthermore, child can learn competitiveness way through his classmate. This would be because child always want to get high score in class. However, in some circumstance classmate can bring some negative impact on child during school time. Child might fall into trap of smoking, drinking when child play with spoiled friend. On the other side, parents influence a great extent to a child' s career. Parents educate child for a long time. Child lives with his parents from a baby to adult, and therefore, child will be influence by his parents education. In addition, parents intend to guide future job for child. For example, Vietnam experienced a numerous families chose university for their child to study instead child themselves. A police father or mother will choose a police university for child because government policy will help their children enter police university easier than others. As a result, child do not worry about their career in future. In conclusion, the extent to which a child success life can get partly from his parents and partly from his classmates.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opinions whether a
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s future career achievement may be due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
or regular support provided by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. From my perspective, it varies among the case due to following factors.

On one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmate
have a large effect on
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s success in the future.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmate
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
spent most of the day time in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
interact with friends;
Therefore
, he knows how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
build up his team work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can learn competitiveness way through his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmate
. This would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high score in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmate
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
during school time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
might fall into trap of smoking, drinking when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
play with spoiled friend.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
a great extent to a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for a long time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from a baby to adult, and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
education.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
intend to guide future job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, Vietnam experienced a numerous families chose university for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to study
instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
themselves. A police father or mother will choose a police university for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children enter police university easier than others.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
do not worry about their career
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, the extent to which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
success life can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
partly from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and partly from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in life. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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