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Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v.5

Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 5
Many individuals believe that farming and culinary skills should be taught to children as part of the school curriculum. Although I agree with this idea of teaching children to prepare their own meal and appreciate it, it should be done only when children reach a certain age group. Firstly, teaching children to farm indirectly inculcates the habit of not wasting food. When children learn how much effort it takes to grow crops, they appreciate its importance and would take appropriate actions to avoid wastage. For instance, there are more than 30% of people below the poverty line in developing countries. Creating an awareness of food wastage among younger people will go a long way in spreading the idea to their immediate family members. Secondly, teaching cooking to children helps them to survive when they are short of resources. For example, most children depend on their parents for their daily meal until they move out of their home. When they do have to support themselves, while studying in college, cooking would come handy. Instead of spending money to buy eatables at restaurants, if they cook at home, it would be a lot cheaper and more healthy. Finally, educating children with life skills like farming and cooking will benefit them immensely. Despite its usefulness, culinary skills should be taught to the children only when they attain 14 years of age and above. For instance, younger people who are below this are not mature enough to handle any kitchen accidents on their own. They should be encouraged to practice cooking under the supervision of their parents. To conclude, creating awareness about food wastage should be targeted at the grassroots level. I don't see any better place than the school to cultivate this information. Cooking is an essential skill that everyone should have, and it should be taught to children at school after an appropriate age when they have enough knowledge to manage things on their own.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals believe that farming and culinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as part of the school curriculum. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to prepare their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meal and appreciate it, it should
be done
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
reach a certain age group.

Firstly
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to farm
indirectly
inculcates the habit of not wasting food. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how much effort it takes to grow crops, they appreciate its importance and would take appropriate actions to avoid wastage.
For instance
, there are more than 30% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
below the poverty line in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. Creating an awareness of food wastage among younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will go a long way in spreading the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to their immediate family members.

Secondly
, teaching cooking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to survive when they are short of resources.
For example
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depend on their parents for their daily meal until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their home. When they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support themselves, while studying in college, cooking would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
handy.
Instead
of spending money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
eatables at restaurants, if they cook at home, it would be a lot cheaper and more healthy.

Finally
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like farming and cooking will benefit them
immensely
. Despite its usefulness, culinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be taught
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they attain 14 years of age and above.
For instance
, younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are below this are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to handle any kitchen accidents on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. They should
be encouraged
to practice cooking under the supervision of their parents.

To conclude
, creating awareness about food wastage should
be targeted
at the grassroots level. I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any better place than the school to cultivate this information. Cooking is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that everyone should have, and it should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at school after an appropriate age when they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge to manage things on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that? v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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