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Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion Y7WB
Physical activity helps everyone to enhance their mental as well as physical health. Therefore, I believe that playing games establishes beneficial exercise habits and also helpful in other aspects of children’s future lives. Although some may oppose this view, I will narrate both views in the upcoming essay with explanations for my view. Being a proponent I agree that sports are a great source of lessons in life. Firstly, playing sports teaches individuals how to behave and how to not behave in defeat, also how to maintain our composure in winning and losing. Secondly, physical exercise helps growing one to strengthen their muscles in developing age which may be useful in their carriers. For example, Hima Das is an Indian sprinter who started participating in school running from the age of 10 and developed muscular in such a way that helped her to build her carrier as a sprinter. Thirdly, playing sports need to make a team which teaches young one how to interact and how to cooperate with others. Thus, games help junior to prepare for their future work. On the flip side, one group of people believe that physical recreation is not practical due to the fact that they find it a diverting one in the time of the academic study, so they sometimes force their little one to focus more on education. Moreover, many parents have a perspective that sportsperson does not have good carrier option in life because generally sportsmen/women start their carrier at the 20s and end at 35s consequently they keep away little athletes from sports. To illustrate, Yuvraj Singh, an Indian cricketer entered the cricket world at 19 years and announced his retirement at 35 years. Hence, many people find no advantage of gaming in children’s future life. All in all, from my point of view sports, definitely help juveniles to become fit and active, improve their attitude and establish important life skills. As a result, a person could acquire the best in his life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
everyone to enhance their mental
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.
Therefore
, I believe that playing games establishes beneficial exercise habits and
also
helpful in other aspects of children’s future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may oppose this view, I will narrate both views in the upcoming essay with explanations for my view.

Being a proponent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a great source of lessons in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Firstly
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
teaches individuals how to behave and how to not behave in defeat,
also
how to maintain our composure in winning and losing.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to grow" or "grow".
growing
one to strengthen their muscles in developing age which may be useful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carriers
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hima
Possible spelling mistake found.
Das
is an Indian sprinter who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
participating in school running from the age of 10 and developed muscular in such a way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her to build her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
as a sprinter.
Thirdly
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a team which teaches young one how to interact and how to cooperate with others.
Thus
, games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
junior to prepare for their future work.

On the flip side, one group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
recreation is not practical due to the fact that they find it a diverting one in the time of the academic study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
force their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one to focus more on education.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents have a perspective that sportsperson does not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
option in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
generally
sportsmen/women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
carrier
at the 20s and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at 35s
consequently
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
athletes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To illustrate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yuvraj
Singh, an Indian cricketer entered the cricket world at 19 years and announced his retirement at 35 years.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find no advantage of gaming in children’s future life.

All in all, from my point of view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
juveniles to become fit and active,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their attitude and establish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
As a result
, a person could acquire the best in his
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
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IELTS essay Some people say that playing sports helps to prepare children for their future work, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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