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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.

In contemporary era, The group activities play crucial role which developed in their children. some people reckon that their should be organized group activities help to engage in their spare time. While, Other people argue that the children should learn to occupied their own. From my firm conviction, the children should occupy in their own way. To embark upon, The children have a number of group activities to take a part to build thein recreational activities. For instance, the are numerous of boot ball team, cricket team and wolf ball team. If they take play in team then they will learn the importance of work with teammate and easily achieve their common goals. In turn, they will enhance their confidence level. As a consequent, they will sharp their interpersonal skills. On the flip side, It is not always possible to participate in group events. undoubtedly, some time when the child is left alone. For example, When there friends are busy in their work and refuse to play. Hence, at that time every child should keep themselves occupied while doing some work like reading, painting and writing. As a result, They can find their hidden talents. In my opinion, the child should develop their inner skills which help them in a plethora of ways to burgeoning their intellectual. Thus, this will help in future as well as in their study also. All in all, I pen down by saying that not only group activities like events are significant in various aspects of life but a child can also occupied by themselves are fruitful.
In contemporary era, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play crucial role which developed in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reckon that
Did you mean “there”?
their
should
be organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to engage in their spare time.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to occupied their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. From my firm conviction, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should occupy in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.

To embark upon, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to take a part to build
Possible spelling mistake found.
thein
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
,
Did you mean “they are” or “there are”?
the are
numerous of boot ball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, cricket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and wolf ball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. If they take play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
then they will learn the importance of work with teammate and
easily
achieve their common goals. In turn, they will enhance their confidence level. As a consequent, they will sharp their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the flip side, It is not always possible to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
alone.
For example
, When there friends are busy in their work and refuse to play.
Hence
, at that time every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied while doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work like reading, painting and writing.
As a result
, They can find their hidden talents.

In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should develop their inner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in a plethora of ways to burgeoning their intellectual.
Thus
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in future
as well
as in their study
also
.

All in all, I pen down by saying that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are significant in various aspects of
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
also
The modal verb ‘can’ requires the verb’s base form.
occupied
by themselves are fruitful.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
262 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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