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In many countries , government spends large amount of money on improving the internet access. Why is it happening? Do you think it is the most appropriate use of money?

It is true that nowadays, government authorities utilised a huge finance in order to improve the internet access. This is happening because of numerous advantages of internet. According to me spending a large proportion of money only to improve internet is not proper use of financial resources. To begin with, there are manifold reasons which show why public authorities spend too much money only on development of internet access. Firstly, internet become indispensable part of people and almost all activities or work are dependent on internet. For example, businesses or even in government offices make use of internet as their whole work is depend on it, so there is need to develop accessibility of internet as every person stay in connect with his/her work. Secondly, internet also plays a crucial role in the education system as students can learn from their houses with the help of internet. For instance, during covid-19 pandemic, educational institutions were closed, then why use of internet students completed their studies. Thus, due to many positive aspects of internet, government try to make easy internet access. However, I believe that this is not the appropriate use of government treasure as it is wrong to spend huge amount of finance only to improve internet facility is because there are many other domains which needs to be improvement. The first main reason for my opinion is that government should spend more money in another public facilities, which are very very official for them such as government can spend money to build schools, hospitals and generate new employment opportunities for young people. It is undeniable fact that internet plays Vital role but still there are various things which are more important than accessibility of internet. To be precise, around the world many people lives under the poverty rate so instead of spending money on new innovations, government authorities can take care of these people. To conclude, government spends maximum money on the improvement and easy accessibility of internet owing to its positive aspects and advantages. However, I Retreat my opinion that spend large money only on the improvement of internet is not a rational decision as there are various fields which need to be improvement such as schools, hospitals and other public buildings.
It is true that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilised’ is British English.
utilised
a huge finance in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the internet access. This is happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of numerous advantages of internet.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using “in my opinion” or “I think”.
According to me
spending a large proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
internet is not proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of financial resources.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are manifold reasons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why public authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on development of internet access.
Firstly
, internet become indispensable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and almost all activities or work are dependent on internet.
For example
, businesses or even in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
offices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet as their whole work is
Consider using either the past participle “depended” or the present participle “depending” here.
depend
on it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there
is need
to develop accessibility of internet as every person stay in connect with his/her work.
Secondly
, internet
also
plays a crucial role in the education system as students can learn from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet.
For instance
, during
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic, educational institutions
were closed
, then why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet students completed their studies.
Thus
, due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
easy internet access.

However
, I believe that this is not the appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
treasure as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
huge amount of finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
internet facility is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other domains which needs to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
. The
first
main reason for my opinion is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in another public facilities, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
official for them such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to build schools, hospitals and generate new employment opportunities for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is undeniable fact that internet plays Vital role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
there are various things which are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than accessibility of internet. To be precise, around the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
lives
under the poverty rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on new innovations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
authorities can take care of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
and easy accessibility of internet owing to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects and advantages.
However
, I Retreat my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
of internet is not a rational decision as there are various fields which need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improvement
such as schools, hospitals and other public buildings.

IELTS essay In many countries, government spends large amount of money on improving the internet access. Why is it happening? Do you think it is the most appropriate use of money?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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