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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. 2bl0k
There are two different types of parenting, some parents like to raise their child to be independent and leave them to choose how to spend his/her time. Other parents like to raise their child on teamwork so they prefer to encourage their child to attend an organized activity. Both sides have merits and demerits. Personally, I am convinced that an organized group is important to the child. First, parents who encourage their child to attend an organized group like football, basketball, ballet, and gymnastic think of how these kinds of organizations can be beneficial. To start with, such activities help the child to improve their social skills and increase his/her self-esteem. Children will learn how to participate in groups. Moreover, Kids will learn how to be productive and use their time in an organized way. It is also safe because there is always an adult watching them all the time. Besides, the future needs these kinds of children who can work in a group to achieve a common goal with a good spirit. On the flip side, not all kids have a chance to participate in such organized events because of any kinds of reasons, so parents left them alone at home. Here comes the challenge of how children can spend their time productively. Children who are left at home alone learns how to be independent. Kids learn how to cook, take care of their younger siblings, read a book for themselves, and paint. The downside to spending time alone is that not all the children will use it constructively. Most of them will keep playing on the PlayStation and computer. Unfortunately, this practice does not help them and they will suffer in the future. According to the comparison, I am inclined to believe that encourages children to participate in well-organized events is more beneficial than spending time alone at home as parents are not always free to guide them. To summarize, Children need to be watched either at home or in an organized group to make sure that they spend their free time in a productive way.
There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of parenting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them to choose how to spend his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
like to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
on teamwork
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they prefer to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to attend an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
activity. Both sides have merits and demerits.
Personally
, I
am convinced
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the child.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to attend an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
like football, basketball, ballet, and gymnastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of how these kinds of organizations can be beneficial. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, such activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and increase his/her self-esteem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
Moreover
, Kids will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be productive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
way. It is
also
safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is always an adult watching them all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Besides
, the future needs these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who can work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
to achieve a common goal with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
spirit.

On the flip side, not all kids have a chance to participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of any kinds of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at home. Here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the challenge of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
productively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
how to be independent. Kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to cook, take care of their younger siblings, read a book for themselves, and paint. The downside to spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
is that not all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
constructively
. Most of them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
playing on the PlayStation and computer. Unfortunately, this practice does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will suffer in the future.

According to the comparison, I
am inclined
to believe that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in well-organized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
is more beneficial than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
at home as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not always free to guide them.

To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
either at home or in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Consider replacing "in a productive way" with the adverb for "productive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a productive way
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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