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Some People Say That Parents Should Encourage Their Children To Take Part In Organized Group Activities

Some People Say That Parents Should Encourage Their Children To Take Part In Organized Group Activities Dq7Oj
It is believed by some people that parents should motivate their children to spend their leisure time by participating in group activities. However, others opine that children should spend their free time in their own way. In my opinion, group learning has more merits than self-learning. To begin with, engaging in group activities can enhance young children’s social abilities. Interacting with other people in the group can help children to acquire team-work capabilities and they end up gaining a high level of confidence. For instance, motivating juveniles to enrol in activities like cricket, painting competitions and arts can help them to gain skills required to cope with the pressure of working in a group and competing with others in a healthy manner. Furthermore, group activities are safe because they are always guided by a supervisor of the team. This helps them to be disciplined and it can be beneficial for them in the future. On the other hand, if children are told to keep themselves occupied on their own, they are more likely to spend their time playing video games and browsing the internet. This could have serious implications for their health and even academic grades. Also, staying in front of the TV or computer all day will hurt their social skills and they may even become socially aloof. Of course, if children engage in activities like painting or reading during their free time, it will definitely benefit them. Unfortunately, this not what most kids do these days if they get some free time. In conclusion, spending time in group activities can help children to develop collaboration and team effort skills. By contrast, if children are told to keep themselves occupied on their own, they might just waste time watching TV or playing computer games.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that parents should motivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
However
, others opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
learning has more merits than self-learning.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can enhance young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social abilities. Interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to acquire team-work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
capabilities and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up gaining a high level of confidence.
For instance
, motivating juveniles to enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like cricket, painting competitions and arts can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required to cope with the pressure of working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and competing with others
Consider replacing "in a healthy manner" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy manner
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always guided by a supervisor of the team. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
be disciplined
and it can be beneficial for them in the future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they are more likely to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing video games and browsing the internet. This could have serious implications for their health and even academic grades.
Also
, staying in front of the TV or computer all day will hurt their social
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skills and
they may even become
socially
aloof.
Of course
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like painting or reading during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it will definitely benefit them. Unfortunately, this not what most kids do these days if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free time.

In conclusion
, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop collaboration and team effort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. By contrast, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, they might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV or playing computer games.
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IELTS essay Some People Say That Parents Should Encourage Their Children To Take Part In Organized Group Activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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