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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. VpWm
It is believed by few that parents should motivate children to engage themselves in group activities in their idle time, whereas, others think that their children ought to utilize time for their own. In my opinion participation in organised group activities holds more important over the latter, because it brings social and judgemental skills to the children and on the other hand, they supervised by someone all the times, when they are in a group. Taking part in organized group programmes has many advantages for children. One of the major benefits is the development of social skills. That is to say that children can learn how to live in harmony, share joy and sorrow with others and compromise in a certain situation. Furthermore, such activities are safe because children will almost always have someone to supervise them while they are in a group and can get a helping hand when they needed and certainly, get corrected by parents if they do something wrong. With group activities, children will eventually understand that not everything will happen in their own way and they will naturally learn how to back down or choose a different path. Moreover, teamwork teaches how to play someone’s role in order to achieve a common goal and as they got supervised by others, their decision making skills also got enlighten. For example, when children play a sport, for example, football, they learn the importance of working with their teammates to achieve their common goal. Such skills will benefit them in their future. Conversely, children may thrive positively when parents give them unscheduled leisure time. It also nurtures their creativity and it helps them to develop on their own and makes them more independent. this skill will be beneficial in those phases of life when they have to take decisions on their own. The important downside to spending time alone is that children may use it for unproductive activities and can make poor judgement without a proper guidance which is really downgrade children's characteristic.
It
is believed
by few that parents should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to engage themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, whereas, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. In my opinion participation in
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
holds more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
over the latter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it brings social and
Possible spelling mistake. 'judgemental' is British English.
judgemental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, they supervised by someone all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, when they are in a group.

Taking part in
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organize' and 'organise') within a single text.
organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. One of the major benefits is the development of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
That is
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony, share joy and sorrow with others and compromise in a certain situation.
Furthermore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are safe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will almost always have someone to supervise them while they are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a helping hand when they needed and
certainly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
corrected by parents if they do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
eventually
understand that not everything will happen in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they will
naturally
learn how to back down or choose a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
path.
Moreover
, teamwork teaches how to play someone’s role in order to achieve a common goal and as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
supervised by others, their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
enlighten.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play a sport,
for example
, football, they learn the importance of working with their teammates to achieve their common goal. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will benefit them in their future.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may thrive
positively
when parents give them unscheduled leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It
also
nurtures their creativity and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to develop on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more independent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
will be beneficial in those phases of life when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
downside to spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
alone is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for unproductive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
poor judgement without a proper guidance which is
really
Consider using a past participle here: "downgraded".
downgrade
children's characteristic.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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