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Some people say that old people should be allowed to work to any age that they want while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that old people should be allowed to work to any age that they want while others disagree. YkgOQ
Nowadays, some employees who are too old to continue their job are thought they should be allowed to do what old people want; however, some people believe that is the wrong way for old employees. From where I stand, I strongly agree with the second opinion. On the one hand, some old people want to continue their job despite their age. Firstly, each person has the right to freedom that they can do everything they want. In addition, their work can be their hobby because old people perform that job in regular days in their life that leads to their habit. Secondly, old employees should continue their working because of family background. Furthermore, each of them is only a person who has the capacity for earning money for their family. As a result, some old people should be allowed to work despite their age. On the other hand, a lot of dangerous things can occur when old people perform their work. Firstly, old people should stay at home for their safety instead of working. In addition, some employees who are too old can have some old diseases that can risk not only for their health but also for the company they work for. Secondly, old people should stop their work for retirement that much money can be obtained when they get old. Moreover, their children can take care of them when they stay at home. In conclusion, some people allow old employees to work that has some benefits, however, they should stop their job for safety.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe
that is
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. From where I stand, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
despite their age.
Firstly
, each person has the right to freedom that they can do everything they want.
In addition
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be their hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in regular days in their life that leads to their habit.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should continue their working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of family background.
Furthermore
, each of them is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a person who has the capacity for earning money for their family.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
despite their age.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
things can occur when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay at home for their safety
instead
of working.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
diseases that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for retirement that much money can
be obtained
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
Moreover
, their children can take care of them when they stay at home.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
however
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for safety.
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IELTS essay Some people say that old people should be allowed to work to any age that they want while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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