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Some people say that not anyone always knows how to have a healthy mind and body, and that the government should find ways to force everyone to take care of themselves. Discuss this view and explain which one you think is more effective, giving reasons in support of your answer.

Some people say that not anyone always knows how to have a healthy mind and body, and that the government should find ways to force everyone to take care of themselves. Discuss this view and explain which one you think is more effective, giving reasons in support of your answer. DVEDj
We tend to live a more sedentary lifestyle nowadays, and this causes various health complaints such as obesity and mental stress. This worldwide phenomenon will not show any sign of abating unless urgent measures are taken. From my point of view, approaches relating to general education and laws ought to be taken into consideration. Firstly, it is true that some individuals may not be fully aware of the importance of a healthy life, and as a result acknowledging people about how to stay healthy is the priority. We can aim this process at children both at school and at home. To be specific, schools should incorporate Physical Education as a mandatory subject. By doing this, children can not only get exposed to outside activities, but they are also equally taught the required knowledge and simple lessons on their health and mind. At home, parents and family members can also help boost this process by teaching children how to relax with straightforward exercise such as moving hands or sitting meditation. Secondly, what concerns people nowadays is the uncontrollable increase in the consumption of sugar-based food and beverages, which is mainly responsible for overweight and obesity. Attention should accordingly be turned into reducing the excessive amount of sugar in food and beverages. In this case, the government should enact a law which strictly controls the manufacturing processes in factories. A high tax is also advised to be introduced on any product whose sugar content is higher than permitted. If there is a reduction in sugar consumption of people, this global trend will probably come down and people may be assured to use these products. To sum up, of the two measures above, it is my conviction that instilling the significance of building a healthy physical and psychological lifestyle in the public is more urgent because once every individual raises their awareness, they will attempt to change their lifestyle.
We tend to
live
a more sedentary lifestyle nowadays, and this causes various health complaints such as obesity and mental
stress
. This worldwide phenomenon will not
show
any
sign
of abating unless urgent measures
are taken
. From my point of view, approaches relating to general education and laws ought to
be taken
into consideration.

Firstly
, it is true that
some
individuals may not be
fully
aware of the importance of a healthy life, and
as a result
acknowledging
people
about how to stay healthy is the priority. We can aim this process at children both at school and at home. To be specific, schools should incorporate Physical Education as a mandatory subject. By doing this, children can not
only
get
exposed to outside activities,
but
they are
also
equally
taught the required knowledge and simple lessons on their health and mind. At home, parents and family members can
also
help
boost this process by teaching children how to relax with straightforward exercise such as moving hands or sitting meditation.

Secondly
, what concerns
people
nowadays is the uncontrollable increase in the consumption of sugar-based food and beverages, which is
mainly
responsible for overweight and obesity. Attention should
accordingly
be turned
into reducing the excessive amount of sugar in food and beverages.
In this case
, the
government
should enact a law which
strictly
controls the manufacturing processes in factories. A high tax is
also
advised to
be introduced
on any product whose sugar content is higher than permitted. If there is a reduction in sugar consumption of
people
, this global trend will
probably
come
down and
people
may
be assured
to
use
these products.

To sum up, of the two measures above, it is my conviction that instilling the significance of building a healthy physical and psychological lifestyle in the public is more urgent
because
once every individual raises their awareness, they will attempt to
change
their lifestyle.
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IELTS essay Some people say that not anyone always knows how to have a healthy mind and body, and that the government should find ways to force everyone to take care of themselves. Discuss this view and explain which one you think is more effective, giving reasons in support of your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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