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Some people say that music is a good way to bringing people up of different cultures and ages do you agree or disagree

Some people say that music is a good way to bringing people up of different cultures and ages 91l7
Music which exist everywhere in the world. Few people believe that music is a good form to connect people with different cultures and which the last years time i agree with the statementTo commence with, every country in the world has different culture as well as different music. For instance national anthem and they have their different famous playing instruments. Due to internet, anybody can listen another country’s music along with their own which help to connects to other culture. Moreover, music is very helpful to remember the old days specially by old persons because every year they have acroosed with different music songs. Therefore, this let them in past for sometime. On the other hand, some people indulge alot with others nationalism rather than their own due to excitement of get to know other cultures which mostly starts fromlistening other countries music. Furthermore, this start the competition between the countries has best talent makes them enemy rather than love In conclusion, although this have little disadvantages on some extent, yet it gives motivation, energy, positivity while listening to every individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
which exist everywhere in the world. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
form to connect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and which the last years time
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
statementTo
commence with, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the world has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
national
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
anthem and
they have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
playing instruments. Due to internet, anybody can listen another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
along with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "connect".
connects
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to remember the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days
specially
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every year they have
Possible spelling mistake found.
acroosed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
songs.
Therefore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them in past for sometime. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
indulge
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
with others nationalism
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
due to excitement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
which
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
Possible spelling mistake found.
fromlistening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Furthermore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the competition between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "has the best".
has best
talent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them enemy
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
In conclusion
, although
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
disadvantages on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent,
yet
it gives motivation, energy, positivity while listening to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "individual"?
individuals
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way to bringing people up of different cultures and ages

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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