Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

A few sections of society, believe that music is one of the better way to connected different tradition individuals and age groups with each other. As per my point of view, it is absolutely right due to some specific reasons, which i will discuss in this essay. First of all, today’s people want to taste every type of music such as rock, pop, classical and so on due to this, Indian multitudes and individuals from overseas visit to different nations and experience the music of that particular country. Moreover, along the way they become familiar with their tradion and with people as well. For instance, a number of foreigners come to india only because of attend the concert of Indian music. As a result, after coming a across with new tradition can be prove a helpful in future toward some business work or in education. Moving further, music is like by all aged people it does not matter that the one is younger or older. Most of the children are listening the music with sitting their parents and grandparents as a spare time activity, within that time they also talk with them. For example, a study has revealed that through music parents can easily come close to their children. Resultantly, music will also expand communication between them when they sitting together for listening to music. In conclusion, music disapper the age gap and helps to the parents to open up with their children effortlessly and it also teach about the distinct type of culture as well make a good relation between two nations.
A few sections of society, believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the better way to connected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tradition individuals and age groups with each other. As per my point of view, it is
absolutely
right due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific reasons, which
Did you mean “I”?
i
will discuss in this essay.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to taste every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as rock, pop, classical and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on due to this, Indian multitudes and individuals from overseas visit to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations and experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of that particular country.
Moreover
, along the way they become familiar with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
tradion
and with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
.
For instance
, a number of foreigners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of attend the concert of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
As a result
, after coming
Use “an” instead of ‘a’ if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. ‘an article’, ‘an hour’.
a
across with new tradition can be
Consider using the past participle “proved”, “proven”.
prove
a helpful in future toward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business work or in education.

Moving
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is like by all aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
it does not matter that the one is younger or older. Most of the children are listening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
with sitting their parents and grandparents as a spare time activity, within that time they
also
talk with them.
For example
, a study has revealed that through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
parents can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
close to their children.
Resultantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
will
also
expand communication between them when
A verb seems to be missing. Did you mean “they’re sitting”, “they are sitting”, or “they were sitting”?
they sitting
together for listening to music.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapper
the age gap and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to the parents to open up with their children
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
effortlessly and
it
also
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “teaches”.
teach
about the distinct type of culture
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relation between two nations.

IELTS essay some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • some people say that music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree.