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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. PPWX
A numerous number of experts claim that music is one of the best way of connecting people of various ages and culture in one unit. I totally agree on this statement, because it is the easy and popular medium of sharing feeling, emotion and awaking people in convenience way. This essay will examine the arguments on favor of the topic. To begin with, songs and music are universal language, that everyone can adopt its melody easily. Every people have different taste and preference on music. Despite of language barrier music can connect people easily from various ages to religion and respect the singer without trying to know, they are relate to which religion, culture and nation. Similarly, music also play vital role in awaring people, connecting people in social issues and help needed people. For example, famous singer of today generation Taylor Swift had organized a charity program through music concert to help to people who are under extreme poverty and fund was collected more than expected from all over the world. likewise, in Nepal also we can hear many songs which deliver awareness about different emerging issues. On the other hand, concert is becoming one of the popular place for today’s generation to hang out a d refreshment from hustle and bustle life. However, not only youth aged people are also enjoying such types of program. As it is becoming best place to create memory for life and making new friends from various places. For instance, in modern world due to the advanced technology live music are also becoming popular medium of connecting people. In conclusion, music is universal accepted language from ages, hence not only for refreshment sometime it plays crucial role in uniting people.
A numerous number of experts claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the best way of connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of various ages and culture in one unit. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the easy and popular medium of sharing feeling, emotion and awaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in convenience way. This essay will examine the arguments on favor of the topic.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, songs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are universal language, that everyone can adopt its melody
easily
.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
taste and preference on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
language barrier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
from various ages to religion and respect the singer without trying to know, they are
Consider using a past participle here: "related".
relate
to which religion, culture and nation.
Similarly
,
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music
also
play vital role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
awaring
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people
, connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in social issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
generation Taylor Swift had organized a charity program through
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music
concert to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are under extreme poverty and fund
was collected
more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from all over the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
likewise
, in Nepal
also
we can hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
songs which deliver awareness about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
emerging issues.

On the other hand
, concert is becoming one of the popular place for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation to hang out a d refreshment from hustle and bustle life.
However
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
youth aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
enjoying such types of program. As it is
A determiner is probably missing here: "becoming the best".
becoming best
place to create memory for life and making new friends from various places.
For instance
, in modern world due to the advanced technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
also
becoming popular medium of connecting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is universal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
language from ages,
hence
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for refreshment sometime it plays crucial role in uniting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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