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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion? 2BLA
A number of person said that people of different rituals and ages can become together easily by using the method of Music. I agree with the statement because music make the person happy and this is also a symbol of love. I will discuss my perspective in this essay. India is vast country different types of people live here. They respect each other’s cultures and celebrate the occasion happily. For example: One of my close friend is getting married in the last month. They do a inter caste marriage because they love each other and their families were not happy from their decision. Consequently, they accept them. In the function, both families are sit on chairs and nothing is going on they just saw the couples. Then after some time DJ play the songs and they automatically started dancing even they do not understand the lyrics but they enjoyed the music. In this way, the people in the marriage become happily together just after listening the song. Thus, it has been proved that music can make people happy without putting any hard efforts. Moreover, numerous person use the song to express their feelings to other people. Music is always help to distribute the love. For example: On the occasion of Valentine’s Day every type of person celebrate this day with flowers and some romantic songs. Even my old uncle aunt also expressed their feelings through music and their bond become strong due to fact that when we listen song then there is no need of words. People easily understand the love affection through music. To conclude, I believe that if there is something which may be impossible that thing can only be done by love and love always came from feeling and this feel came from words or lyrics is song. Consequently, Music is best method to make the people together.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
rituals and ages can become together
easily
by using the method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
happy and this is
also
a symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
. I will discuss my perspective in this essay. India is vast country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here. They respect each other’s cultures and celebrate the occasion
happily
.
For example
: One of my close friend is getting married in the last month. They do
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
inter caste marriage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
each other and their families were not happy from their decision.
Consequently
, they accept them. In the function, both families are sit on chairs and nothing is going on they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the couples. Then after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time DJ play the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
songs and
they
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
dancing even they do not understand the lyrics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they enjoyed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. In this way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the marriage become
happily
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after listening the song.
Thus
, it has
been proved
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy without putting any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
efforts.
Moreover
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the song to express their feelings to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is always
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
to distribute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
For example
: On the occasion of Valentine’s Day every type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
celebrate this day with flowers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
romantic songs. Even my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
uncle aunt
also
expressed their feelings through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and their bond become strong due to fact that when we listen song then there is no need of words.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
easily
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
affection through music.

To conclude
, I believe that if there is something which may be impossible that thing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
always came from feeling and this feel came from words or lyrics is song.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
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IELTS essay Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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