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Some people say that movies can be fully enjoyed at homes on mobile phones so there is no need to go to cinema.discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that movies can be fully enjoyed at homes on mobile phones so there is no need to go to cinema. GLN6x
People's opinion differ as to whether to get full enjoyment, movies should be seen on mobile phones or in theatres. Personally, I agree with the latter viewpoint. To commence with, regarding the reasons why some people argue that films need to be watched on phones or tablets, the first and foremost reason is the introduction of OTT platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime and so on. Owing to this fact, people subscribe on such platforms and enjoy numerous movies and webseries at the cost of merely one movie's ticket. Thus, it is pocket friendly. Another striking fact behind it is that individuals can do their household work while watching films on mobile phones. Take a woman, for example. She can cook food and look after her kids while watching movies on her phone. Therefore, enjoying movies on mobile phones provide a chance to do multitasking. Nevertheless, I side with those who feel that cinema is the best way to fully enjoy movies. Firstly, cinema creates an ambiance which is the best suited to watch films. For example, cinema provides 3-D sound and high definition visuals of the movie. Since it has the highest quality of technology, watching movies at theatre is more entertaining. Furthermore, the second reason is that cinema gives facilities like refreshments and game parlours. As a result, people can get better relaxation and enjoyment. In addition, it is undeniable that children are very much attracted to such enjoyable amenities. In conclusion, while there are reasons to believe that individuals can enjoy movies at their homes, my view is that theatre has an edge over watching films on mobile phones because of better technological advancements.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's opinion differ
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
full enjoyment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
or in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter viewpoint.

To commence with, regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that films need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
or tablets, the
first
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the introduction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
OTT
platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Owing to this fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
subscribe on such platforms and enjoy numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
webseries
at the cost of
merely
one movie's ticket.
Thus
, it is pocket friendly. Another striking fact behind it is that individuals can do their household work while watching films on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Take a woman,
for example
. She can cook food and look after her kids while watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
Therefore
, enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
provide a chance to do multitasking.

Nevertheless
, I side with those who feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
is the best way to
fully
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
creates an ambiance which is the best suited to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
provides 3-D sound and high definition visuals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
. Since it has the highest quality of technology, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is more entertaining.
Furthermore
, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
gives facilities like refreshments and game
Possible spelling mistake found.
parlours
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better relaxation and enjoyment.
In addition
, it is undeniable that children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much attracted to such enjoyable amenities.

In conclusion
, while there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to believe that individuals can enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at their homes, my view is that
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
has an edge over watching films on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of better technological advancements.
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IELTS essay Some people say that movies can be fully enjoyed at homes on mobile phones so there is no need to go to cinema.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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