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Currently, majority of people are getting involved in dangerous hobbies such as hang-gliding and rock climbing.

Currently, majority of people are getting involved in dangerous hobbies such as hang-gliding and rock climbing. pa5j2
Currently, majority of people are getting involved in dangerous hobbies such as hang-gliding and rock climbing. I believe that individuals prefer to take part in these extreme risks to alleviate fear and experience life. However, in my view, this is an extremely undesirable trend due to fatalities associated with it. Vast populations prefer to hike through mountains to fulfill a desire they wanted to achieve or overcome anxieties. This is because, the activity involves both physical strength and stamina which require mental capacity and focus. Subsequently, several people have professed the activity as one of the items in their bucket-list hence driven to undertake it despite its hazardous nature. For instance, Mount Kenya is one of the longest features in my country and we receive thousands of tourists every year who come to fullfil their dreams. Despite huge numbers of humans participating in these activities, it is barely a safe fashion. Given that, this activity requires lengthy training sessions most people are either not professionally qualified or cannot endure the strain that accompanies the task. To fortify further, vast mountains have dangerously unstable rocks or are still undergoing volcanic processes thus can erupt anytime. For example, an incident occured in my country where a mountain dormant over a century erupted with 30 climbers on its slopes preparing to go up. To sum up, I believe that several people participate in leisures such as hill exploration or hanging from heights with ropes for personal gratification albeit, not being a wise thing to do.
Currently
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
hobbies such as hang-gliding and rock climbing. I believe that individuals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in these extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to alleviate fear and experience life.
However
, in my view, this is an
extremely
undesirable trend due to fatalities associated with it.

Vast populations prefer to hike through mountains to fulfill a desire they wanted to achieve or overcome anxieties. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
involves both physical strength and stamina which require mental capacity and focus.
Subsequently
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have professed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as one of the items in their bucket-list
hence
driven to undertake it despite its hazardous nature.
For instance
, Mount Kenya is one of the longest features in my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
we receive thousands of tourists every year who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
fullfil
their dreams.

Despite huge numbers of humans participating in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it is
barely
a safe fashion.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
requires lengthy training sessions most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are either not
professionally
qualified or cannot endure the strain that accompanies the task. To fortify
further
, vast mountains have
dangerously
unstable rocks or are
still
undergoing volcanic processes
thus
can erupt anytime.
For example
, an incident
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in my country where a mountain dormant over a century erupted with 30 climbers on its slopes preparing to go up.

To sum up, I believe that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
leisures
such as hill exploration or hanging from heights with ropes for personal gratification albeit, not being a wise thing to do.
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IELTS essay Currently, majority of people are getting involved in dangerous hobbies such as hang-gliding and rock climbing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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