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Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

The modern technology that we used in everyday lifes already give us a lots of benefit, one of them is shopping can be done through a website or application and we could call it an online shopping. Online shopping is a thing right now because it's easier rather than going to a store because all we need to do is just open some website or application and pick the item that we want to buy, and then proceed the payment through electronic banking and finally we just have to wait our item to arrive at our house. Online shopping also provides a lot of promo like a discount, or a free shipping charges. In the other hand, we could buy somethings from another country by online shopping so there's no limit except the item that we want is sold out. The item that we could buy varies, started from clothes, accesories, food, books, furniture, gadgets, etc. The seller would describe each item so make sure we read the description and choose the item that suit the needs. But because it's easiness, online shopping has a negative too. The negatives are there are lots of fraud in online shopping because sometimes the display photos isn't same with the things we order, and also there are some seller that didnt send the item, so we should report it to the police, and the bank that we used to hold the money we've already transferred. Some shop in online shopping also didn't have a feature such as a refund, so if we didn't pick a right size for our clothes or we got a food that already beyond it's expire date we couldn't do much things. It is our choice to shop online or shop offline but the important things is we should spent the money based on our needs, not what we want so all in all we could save our money more and didn't add the amount of trash because the buying things we didn't need.
The modern technology that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “lives”, the plural form of the noun ‘life’?
lifes
already give us
The plural noun “lots” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a lot” or “lots”?
a lots
of benefit, one of them is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
can
be done
through a website or
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
application and
we could call it an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a thing right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's easier
rather
than going to a store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all we need to do is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
open
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
website or application and pick the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
that we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
, and then proceed the payment through electronic banking and
finally
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
to arrive at our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
provides
Possible agreement error. The noun promo seems to be countable; consider using: “a lot of promos”.
a lot of promo
like a discount, or a free shipping charges. In the other hand, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing or the word is misspelled.
somethings
from another country by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there's no limit except the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
that we want
is sold
out.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
that we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
varies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from clothes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
accesories
, food, books, furniture, gadgets, etc. The seller would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure we read the description and choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
that suit the needs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's easiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
too. The negatives are there are lots of fraud in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the display photos isn't same with the things we order, and
also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “sellers”?
seller
that
Possible spelling mistake found
didnt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should report it to the police, and the bank that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to hold the money we've already transferred.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
shop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
didn't have a feature such as a refund,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if we didn't pick a right size for our
Use a comma before ‘or’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
clothes or
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a food that already beyond it's
The word ‘expire’ is not a noun. Did you mean “expiry”?
expire
date we couldn't do
Use “many” with countable plural nouns like ‘things’.
much
things.

It is our choice to shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or shop
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
offline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things is we should
The modal verb ‘should’ requires the verb’s base form.
spent
the money based on our needs, not what we want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
all in all we could save our money more and didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the amount of trash
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the buying things we didn't need.
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IELTS essay Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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