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Some people say that its impossible for a woman to be good proffessionals and to be good mothers at home at a same time. They also suggest that the government should give salary to mother who stay at home to take care of their children

Some people say that its impossible for a woman to be good proffessionals and to be good mothers at home at a same time. They also suggest that the government should give salary to mother who stay at home to take care of their children dooN2
Owing to the availability of women leaders these days, a handful of people caters the, view that, it is instsusmoumtable for women to excel in their worklife and personal lives at the same time. I refute this nation, as in this modern era, they have already proven it wrong. Ensuring lines of this essay delves deeper into these moot points to argue for the latter view how women can effectively carry out their job. To commence with, the challenges of modern world problems are more complex than ever before. Working women who maintains a good personal life are innumerable and are clearly in a hike over a few decades. Women workers are promoted by the corporates as they are able to multi task and can handle stress more than men can do. Moreover they are provided with maternity leaves when it comes to their personal matters such as child birth. A study conducted, for instance, by the IIT Delhi found that the rate of divorce among working women is only half when compared to the non-working womens. As a result, it is explicable that it is possible for women to be good professionals at work and at home at the same time. Furthermore, the suggestion the government should provide salary for women would only demotivate them rather than empowering women. It contradicts the numerous deliberations and their fight for equality. To cite an example in india, the political parties are mostly opposing the idea of women empowerment in the name of ancient cultures that prevailed. Therefore such policies wont be encouraging women as they want to be independent. To conclude, albeit, some people believe that women cannot successfully carryout their work life and personal lives. But the aforementioned statements prove that it is wrong and it is not an arduous task for women to multitask. It is my firm conviction that women can be successful in both work and at home.
Owing to the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
leaders these days, a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
caters
Did you forget something after 'the'?
the,
view that, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
instsusmoumtable
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to excel in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
worklife
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at the same time. I refute this nation, as in this modern era, they have already proven it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Ensuring lines of this essay delves deeper into these moot points to argue for the latter view how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can
effectively
carry out their job. To commence with, the challenges of modern world problems are more complex than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
Did you mean "maintain"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'women' should be used.
maintains
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life are innumerable and are
clearly
in a hike over a few decades.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
workers
are promoted
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
as they are able to multi task and can handle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can do.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
are provided
with maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
matters such as child birth. A study conducted,
for instance
, by the IIT Delhi found that the rate of divorce among working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half when compared to the non-working
Possible spelling mistake found.
womens
.
As a result
, it is explicable that it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
professionals at work and at home at the same time.

Furthermore
, the suggestion the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide salary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
demotivate them
rather
than empowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. It contradicts the numerous deliberations and their fight for equality. To cite an example in
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
, the political parties are
mostly
opposing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment in the name of ancient cultures that prevailed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
such policies
Please make sure you mean 'wont' (a habit), not "won't"/"won’t" (short for 'will not')?
wont
be encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as they want to be independent.
To conclude
, albeit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
cannot
successfully
carryout their work life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the aforementioned statements prove that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and it is not an arduous task for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to multitask. It is my firm conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can be successful in both work and at home.
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IELTS essay Some people say that its impossible for a woman to be good proffessionals and to be good mothers at home at a same time. They also suggest that the government should give salary to mother who stay at home to take care of their children

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
321 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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