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some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. Do you agree or disagree?

some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. 7JGXY
is often argued by some folk that people should put aside their monthly savings for their retirement. I partially agree with this statement and the same shall be discussed further in this essay in detail. Firstly, old aged persons are looked upon by society as a burden as they are dependent on housing, food and healthcare. Hence, when they are young and earning they should try to save some of their salaries so that they can take care of themselves and be independent. For example, many retirement schemes are available which help people to invest money when on a job and will get benefits when they retire. Therefore, It is a good plan to save their income which will make them independent and can spend as they wish, like enjoying their hobbies, utilizing for medical facilities etc. Nevertheless, elderly individuals are weak and are unable to take care of themselves. Moreover, they struggle hard at a young age to provide better facilities for their children, be it in education, health or food and will hardly have money left for their old age. Furthermore, they pay taxes to the government. Thus I believe children should take responsibility for their parents when they are old as gratitude. Additionally, the government should also help senior citizens by providing subsidies on medical so that they can lead peaceful life. For Instance, provide old age homes if they do not have anywhere to live and give pensions to take care of themselves. In conclusion, saving money for retirement makes old persons self-reliant. However, senior citizens will need help from their children and the government to lead a comfortable life
is
often
argued by
some
folk that
people
should put aside their monthly savings for their retirement. I
partially
agree
with this statement and the same shall
be discussed
further
in this essay in detail.

Firstly
,
old
aged persons
are looked
upon by society as a burden as they are dependent on housing, food and healthcare.
Hence
, when they are young and earning they should try to save
some
of their salaries
so
that they can take care of themselves and be independent.
For example
,
many
retirement schemes are available which
help
people
to invest money when on a job and will
get
benefits when they retire.
Therefore
, It is a
good
plan to save their income which will
make
them independent and can spend as they wish, like enjoying their hobbies, utilizing for medical facilities etc.

Nevertheless
, elderly individuals are weak and are unable to take care of themselves.
Moreover
, they struggle
hard
at a young age to provide better facilities for their children, be it in education, health or food and will hardly have money
left
for their
old
age.
Furthermore
, they pay taxes to the
government
.
Thus
I believe children should take responsibility for their parents when they are
old
as gratitude.
Additionally
, the
government
should
also
help
senior citizens by providing subsidies on medical
so
that they can lead peaceful life.
For Instance
, provide
old
age homes if they do not have anywhere to
live
and give pensions to take care of themselves.

In conclusion
, saving money for retirement
makes
old
persons self-reliant.
However
, senior citizens will need
help
from their children and the
government
to lead a comfortable life
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IELTS essay some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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