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Some people say that it is better to grow children in cities than in the countryside do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Some people say that it is better to grow children in cities than in the countryside with this opinion kxaye
It is believed by some individuals that it is better way to brought up young ones in urban areas as compared to live in rural areas. I completely agree with this trend and I will elaborate it in the following paragraphs. To commence with, in contemporary era, mostly people prefer to live in cities because there immense facilities available for individuals. The prominent reason and benefit to live in urban areas, is that better education resource rather than countryside. In the cities, children get better education in modern schools. Apart from that, 20 type of schools also provide different types of extra curriculum activities with academies. in the urban areas many kinds of schools provide International languages for children like Spanish, French and so on. But in countryside it is hard to learn different languages. In addition to that, in urban areas young ones also join other career options like ballet school, dance academy, school of art and gymnastics rather than rural areas. Moreover, children access online information through Internet. Furthermore, they can visit to libraries for their study even they obtain was information through them. However, cities provide the source of income to individuals. They also can part-time jobs as well as business. Consequently, they can live luxurious life in urban areas. On the contrary, in rural areas jobs and work opportunities are limited. To recapitulate, I believe that, in the cities, many different ways to better growth of children. Due to, better education other career options networking and many source of income as compared to live in countryside or rural areas.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals that it is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to brought up young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend and I will elaborate it in the following paragraphs.

To commence with, in contemporary era,
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there immense facilities available for individuals. The prominent reason and benefit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education resource
rather
than countryside. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Apart from that, 20 type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of extra curriculum activities with academies.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide International languages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like Spanish, French and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in countryside it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages.
In addition
to that, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
other career options like ballet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, dance academy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of art and gymnastics
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
access online information through Internet.
Furthermore
, they can visit to libraries for their study even they obtain was information through them.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
provide the source of income to individuals. They
also
can part-time jobs
as well
as business.
Consequently
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
luxurious life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
On the contrary
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
jobs and work opportunities
are limited
.

To recapitulate, I believe that, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education other career options networking and
Possible agreement error. The noun source seems to be countable; consider using: "many sources".
many source
of income as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in countryside or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
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IELTS essay Some people say that it is better to grow children in cities than in the countryside with this opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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