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Some people say that it is better for school-leavers to start work immediately. Others say that to be successful, school-leavers should go to university first. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that it is better for school-leavers to start work immediately. Others say that to be successful, school-leavers should go to university first. bY3EX
Some people say that there is no reason to spend time studying at the university, and alumni should work instead. Others think that education is necessary to have more career opportunities, and I strongly believe that people should study after school because a time invested to secondary education leads to well-paid and high-skilled profession. The main benefit of being employed immediately after school is that people have first-hand experience, and they spend time building their careers rather than studying. There are plenty of occupations that do not require educational certificates, and it is more reasonable to spend this time gaining skills. Bloggers and social media infuencers are the example of such jobs; they do not require completed education, and it is reasonable for them to gain popularity and followers instead of studying. Unfortunately, most professions require certain level of education and people cannot grow profesionally without it. Not all people can be social media stars; therefore, studying is required for those who are not so lucky to be an influencer. It is well-known that in some areas career growth is strictly limited without a diploma. Educated professionals usually have bigger income than those who are not, and they also grow faster. There have been plenty of situation in Ukrainian companies when ex-students were promoted after a short period of time only because they had required degree. To conclude, it is necessary to have educational certificate in order to have more career opportunities and higher salary. There are some professions that do not require education at all, but it is rather exception than a rule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that there is no reason to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at the university, and alumni should work
instead
. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunities, and I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should study after school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
invested to secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
leads to well-paid and high-skilled profession.

The main benefit of
being employed
immediately after school is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
first
-hand
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "experienced".
experience
, and they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of occupations that do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
educational certificates, and it is more reasonable to spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
gaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Bloggers and social media
Possible spelling mistake found.
infuencers
are the example of such jobs; they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
completed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and it is reasonable for them to gain popularity and followers
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. Unfortunately, most professions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
certain level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot grow
Possible spelling mistake found.
profesionally
without it.

Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be social media stars;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
is required
for those who are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
lucky to be an influencer. It is well-known that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth is
strictly
limited without a diploma. Educated professionals
usually
have bigger income than those who are not, and they
also
grow faster. There have been
Possible agreement error. The noun situation seems to be countable; consider using: "plenty of situations".
plenty of situation
in Ukrainian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
when ex-students
were promoted
after a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had required degree.

To conclude
, it is necessary to have educational certificate in order to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
opportunities and higher salary. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professions that do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
rather
Did you mean "exception to"?
exception than
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
.

IELTS essay Some people say that it is better for school-leavers to start work immediately. Others say that to be successful, school-leavers should go to university first.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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