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some people say that history is more important school subject. OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT IN TODAYS WORLD SUBJECT LIKE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HISTORY .DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

some people believe that subjects like History and Social Studies are essential and more compelling as young generation can learn good things from it. In contrast, other thinks that there are some other subjects such as Science and Technology that are more significant in comparison to History. The reason behind their approach is that, today's world is completely dependant on science and this era is know as Technology era. I believe that, both groups are right in their thinking but I am in a bit more support of second group. Firstly, people think that History is mandatory as it provides the information information and details of the events that happened in the past. History tells people especially children and adults about the struggles of the founder and protector of their country that subsequently makes them privileged and grateful towrads them. They could become more faithful and patriotic. Leaning about world's History makes people more broad minded and less judgemental. However, there are some people who believe that because of this advancing age. subjects like Science and technology are more helpful and and useful for society. By learning these subjects people could become more beneficial not only towards the mankind but also could make progress on an individual level. In today's world, everything is processed by technology. People are using electrical appliances, mobile phone, computers and so on. All these things are invented by scientist and IT experts not by History writers and readers. Hence learning the Science and Technology subjects is more essential to the people as compared to the History. For instance, because of Science, people are getting vaccine for the world's worst pandemic disease named covid-19 (Corona Virus) and people who do not care about the precautionary measure and violate the rule and restriction by their own country's government can be caught by police because of satellite technology. To conclude, every subject has their own significance and learning about History could be advantageous to get and accumulate knowledge but in my opinion subjects like science and technology in this world are more mandatory to learn as to live in this modern era we need to equipped ourselves with science knowledge instead of History.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
and Social Studies are essential and more compelling as young generation can learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things from it.
In contrast
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
that are more significant
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
. The reason behind their approach is that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is completely
Did you mean “dependent” on?
dependant
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and this era is know as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
era. I believe that, both groups are right in their thinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am in a bit more support of second group.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
is mandatory as it provides the
Possible typo: you repeated a word
information information
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that happened in the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
children and adults about the struggles of the founder and protector of their country that
subsequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them privileged and grateful
Possible spelling mistake found.
towrads
them. They could become more faithful and patriotic. Leaning about world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
broad minded
and less
Possible spelling mistake. ‘judgemental’ is British English.
judgemental
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
because of this
advancing age.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are more helpful
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
useful for society. By learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could become more beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
towards the mankind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress on an individual level. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, everything
is processed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are using electrical appliances, mobile phone, computers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. All these things
are invented
by scientist and IT experts not by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
writers and readers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
learning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is more essential to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting vaccine for the world's worst pandemic disease named
Did you mean “COVID-19” or the alternative spelling “Covid-19” (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
(
The term “Coronavirus” (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona Virus
) and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not care about the precautionary measure and violate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
and restriction by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
be caught
by police
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of satellite technology.

To conclude
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance and learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
could be advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and accumulate knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in this world are more mandatory to learn as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this modern era we need to equipped ourselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
knowledge
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
.
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IELTS essay some people say that history is more important school subject. OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT IN TODAYS WORLD SUBJECT LIKE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HISTORY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • some people say that history is more important school subject. OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT IN TODAYS WORLD SUBJECT LIKE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN HISTORY .DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION