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Some people say that high school students should study all the school subjects, while others think they should be allowed to choose subjects that they are interested in.

Some people say that high school students should study all the school subjects, while others think they should be allowed to choose subjects that they are interested in. 9YGax
Some consider that secondary school students ought to study all the school subjects, while other people say they should be permitted to opt to fields they are interested in. In my opinion, I believe allowing to choose necessary subjects brings more benifts for every students. On the one hand, according to some studying all the subjects is important to develop young students’ mentality. There are number of factors to prove this idea. Firstly, if high school students study every single subject, they may absorb an entire life that they able to utilize their knowledge. Moreover, it helps to be successful person and they could not be struggle with looking for job problems in the long run. Secondly, unless they study all the subjects, they can spend mostly time to unnecessary activities such as playing computer games, chatting with strangers on the internet. It can be distract the students who has primary goal is study. On the other hand, I agree with those who believe allow to choose subjects has more advantages in high school. Secondary school students should be permitted opt to subject what they want to study. There exist a certain number of reasons to develop their mentality psychology in order to move right path. If students learn exact subjects, they may be specialist in their profession. For instance, who interested in medicine that must focus on studying medical resources instead of studying all the subjects. Furthermore, students may not learn all the knowledge because their brain cannot ready to receive huge amount of data. In the result, they could be boring and pay attention distractor entertainments despite being knowledgeable. In conclusion, studying all the subjects is beneficial for every students according tome evidences. However, in high schools, subjects should be optional not compulsory. That is to say, they ought to be depend on their willing to achieve success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider that secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say they should
be permitted
to opt to fields they
are interested
in. In my opinion, I believe allowing
Did you mean "choosing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to choose
necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
brings more
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifts
for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
.

On the one hand, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to develop young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
mentality. There are number of factors to prove this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Firstly
, if high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
every single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, they may absorb an entire life that
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
able to utilize their knowledge.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to be successful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
person and
they could not be
Consider using a past participle here: "struggled".
struggle
with looking for job problems in the long run.
Secondly
, unless they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they can spend
mostly
time to unnecessary activities such as playing computer games, chatting with strangers on the internet. It can be
Consider using the past participle "distracted"?
distract
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
has
primary goal is study.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "choosing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has more advantages in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be permitted
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
what they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. There exist a certain number of reasons to develop their mentality psychology in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
right path. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn exact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they may be specialist in their profession.
For instance
, who interested in medicine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
medical resources
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not learn all the knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their brain cannot ready to receive huge amount of data. In the result, they could be boring and pay attention
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractor
entertainments despite being knowledgeable.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is beneficial for every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "student"?
students
according tome evidences.
However
, in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be optional not compulsory.
That is
to say, they ought to be
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on their willing to achieve success.
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IELTS essay Some people say that high school students should study all the school subjects, while others think they should be allowed to choose subjects that they are interested in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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