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some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child development.Other factors such as television,friend,music etc play a greater role today. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Family plays a major role in everybody life. A number of people argue that family is the most powerful influence in a child development while other said other factors also play an essential role. This essay will explore argument for both sides of the debate and provide detailed analysis. To begin with, child mind is just like a clay with can be mold at any shape. At that time, family play a crucial role, parent teach their child to give a right direction. Our guardian fulfill all necessary needs. Family is the primary school for all juveniles. Infants start learning from their parents behavior. All the family members play a great role in the upbringing of toddlers. Meanwhile, other equipments like television, friends, music also show a greater role. Because, every body has their own importance. A good friend is that, who always help during any type of obstacles. And others instruments like computer, mobile phone also influence the mind of infants. On the contrary, this type of tools sometime give bad impact on mental development of children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
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plays
a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in everybody life. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is the most powerful influence in a child development while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
. This essay will explore argument for both sides of the debate and provide detailed analysis. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, child mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a clay with can be mold at any shape. At that time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
, parent teach their child to give a right direction. Our guardian
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "fulfills".
fulfill
all necessary needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
is the primary school for all juveniles. Infants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning from their parents behavior. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the upbringing of toddlers. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
equipments like television, friends, music
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, every body has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend is that, who always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
during any type of obstacles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
And others
instruments like computer, mobile phone
also
influence the mind of infants.
On the contrary
, this type of tools sometime give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on mental development of children.
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IELTS essay some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child development. Other factors such as television, friend, music etc play a greater role today.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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