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More children in developing countries are becoming overweigh.discuss reasons and effects of this .

over the years, the number of obese children in the wealthier countries have increased rapidly. This problem of growing number of children with extra weight has become a serious issue in modern countries. There are numerous reasons for this and this essay will shed some light on the causes and effects of this trend. To embarks on, there are plethora of reasons for this issue. The topmost reason is, the popularity of young foods and lack of parental care and supervision. In most of developed countries, both parents work and they do not have time to cook healthier food for their children, thus children prefer to eat junk food. For instance, when children have to cook food by themselves, at that time, they prefer to eat junk food, instead of eating hand made food and these readymade foods have lot of ingredients which causes health realted issues including obesity. Another reason for weight gaining is, the children's addictedness towards electronic gazattes like phones, computers and many more. children spend most of the time playing video games and watching television rather than participating in outdoor activities. This sedentry lifestyle and lack of physical activities, results in over weighing and poor health. For instance, many children tend to watch cricket match on tv at home instead of playing cricket in ground with other children. The problem of obesity among children in developed countries have dire effects. Firstly, this extra weight make the children lethargic and inactive. This affect a child's overall development in detrimental way by decreasing a person's self confidence. Moreover, if there would be more unhealthy people, government would have to spend large amount of money on health related facilities, which would affect a country's economy. All in all, the number of overweigh children in developed countries is increasing day by day, popularity of junk foods and sedentary lifestyle is the cause of this problem which has many dire effects on children's life as well as country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
over
the years, the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have increased
rapidly
. This problem of growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with extra weight has become a serious issue in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There are numerous
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reasons
for this and this essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the causes and effects of this trend. To embarks on, there are plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this issue. The topmost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is, the popularity of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and lack of parental care and supervision. In most of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, both parents
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they do not have time to cook healthier
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food
for their
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children
,
thus
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children
prefer to eat junk
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food
.
For instance
, when
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children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cook
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food
by themselves, at that time, they prefer to eat junk
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food
,
instead
of eating hand made
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food
and these
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readymade
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foods
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
ingredients which causes health
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realted
issues including obesity. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for weight gaining is, the children's
Possible spelling mistake found.
addictedness
towards electronic
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gazattes
like phones, computers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
spend most of the time playing video games and watching television
rather
than participating in outdoor activities. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
sedentry
lifestyle and lack of physical activities, results in over weighing and poor health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cricket match on
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
at home
instead
of playing cricket in ground with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The problem of obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have dire effects.
Firstly
, this extra weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lethargic and inactive. This affect a child's
overall
development in detrimental way by decreasing a person's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
Moreover
, if there would be more unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend large amount of money on health related facilities, which would affect a country's economy. All in all, the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is increasing day by day, popularity of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and sedentary lifestyle is the cause of this problem which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dire effects on children's life
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
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IELTS essay More children in developing countries are becoming overweigh. discuss reasons and effects of this.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
327 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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