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some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child development.Other factors such as television,friend,music etc play a greater role today. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Family play a major role in everybody life. A number of people argue that family is the most powerful influence in a child development while other said other factors also play a essential role. This essay will explore argument for both sides of the debate and provide detailed analysis. To begin with, child mind is just like a clay with can be mold at any shape. At that time, family play a crucial role, parent teach their child to give a right direction.
Family
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
a major role in everybody life. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that family is the most powerful influence in a child development while other said other factors
also
play
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential role. This essay will explore argument for both sides of the debate and provide detailed analysis. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, child mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a clay with can be mold at any shape. At that time, family play a crucial role, parent teach their child to give a right direction.
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IELTS essay some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child development. Other factors such as television, friend, music etc play a greater role today.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
83 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • some people say that family is the most powerful influence in a child development.Other factors such as television,friend,music etc play a greater role today. Discuss both views and give your opinion.