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some people say that college student should live far away from their family. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

some people say that college student should live far away from their family. 7LD7X
In my opinion, the teenager would live in the other place to study when they go to the university is both advantage and disadvantage. I will show you some things why I think that. Firstly, when they was a child they always live with family and they were taked care of by their parents, and when they grow up, they must to learn how to take care of them self and become independent. Seccondly, if the university which they study is far from their house, they must move to this place to be convenient for study. And the next, far away from their family and go to the new place can give they some new life skill, new knowledge, they can improve them self and become a better version or learn a lots of new thing in the new environment. In an other way, they can have new friends to help them about sdudy and always give them some good advices to solve their problem. Last but not least, go away from family also have some disadvantage, sometime they can be alone and miss their family so much or don’t feeling the happy as when they was live with their family, but it’s not the big problem, so don’t worry about that, day by day they will fine. In conclusion, go away from family and go to the place near university is good for them self, but it also feel not as happy as the time they live with famil
In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to study when they go to the university is both advantage and disadvantage. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that.

Firstly
, when they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
a child they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they were
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "took", the past tense form of the verb 'take'?
taked
care of by their parents, and when they grow up, they
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
learn how to take care of them self and become independent.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Seccondly
, if the university which they study is far from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to be convenient for study. And the
next
, far away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
can give they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them self and become a better version or learn
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment.
Consider replacing "In an other way" with the adverb for "other"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In an other way
, they can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them about
Possible spelling mistake found.
sdudy
and always give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advices to solve their problem. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, go away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage, sometime they can be alone and miss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much or don’t feeling the happy as when they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s not the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
don’t worry about that, day by day they will fine.
In conclusion
, go away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
near university is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them self,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "feels"?
feel
not as happy as the time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
famil
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IELTS essay some people say that college student should live far away from their family.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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