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Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. BDM9
We are locked in a cage of life with some expert psychologists. In our daily life we are fond of shopping and exploring new products. These habits of ours are influenced by the advertisers who are aware of our psychological conditions and I think these advertisements influence us to try a product. The visual effects of an advertisement highly affect us weather it is useful for us or not. We find excitements when we saw a new advertisement. The same product with new colours and news graphics attracts us as it is something different. This is the power of advertisements. For instance, when children see the advertisement of ‘Kinder Joy’ which contains two chocolate balls and a toy. Though it is costly product as it contains no such expensive things its selling is increasing. This is due to the attractive advertisement which convince the children to get it for a toy. This is the example of successful business with advertisements and marketing strategies. I think a group of people who think that these advertisements cannot persuade us to buy the products are not aware about their own experience about shopping. When people go to buy something, they prefer to choose the products they use it daily and here, the point is why they are used to purchase same products. The reason is not only the firm storage of about quality and the details of the products in their mind but also the advertisements they used to see for a long time. It is not true that we do not induced by the visuals of the products. For example, housewives go for shopping of grocery they have proper list of items with brands such as ‘Amul’ brand for cheese and ‘Parle’ brand for biscuits in India because they see advertisement of these products daily and listen from other females also about these brands. So, this is the effect of indirect advertisements. All in all, it is clear that we are confined in the zone where good advertised products are good and we have to use it only no matter what is the after effect.
We
are locked
in a cage of life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expert psychologists. In our daily life we are fond of shopping and exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. These habits of ours
are influenced
by the advertisers who are aware of our psychological conditions and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
influence us to try a product.

The visual effects of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
highly
affect us weather it is useful for us or not. We find excitements when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
. The same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
graphics attracts us as it is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. This is the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
For instance
, when children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
‘Kinder Joy’ which contains two chocolate balls and a toy. Though it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a costly" or "is an costly"
is costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as it contains no such expensive things its selling is increasing. This is due to the attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
which convince the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it for a toy. This is the example of successful business with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and marketing strategies.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
cannot persuade us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are not aware about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience about shopping. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something, they prefer to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it daily and here, the point is why they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The reason is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the firm storage of about quality and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in their mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
for a long time.

It is not true that we do not induced by the visuals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
, housewives go for shopping of grocery they have proper list of items with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
such as ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amul
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
for cheese and ‘
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parle
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
for biscuits in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
daily and listen from other females
also
about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this is the effect of indirect advertisements.

All in all, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we
are confined
in the zone where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advertised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
good and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
no matter what is the after effect.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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