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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.

Encouragement to buy thing by advertising, In our today's world advertisement is a part of evolution. That sometimes leads us to buy a things that we really don't need because. we are fascinated to the idea that they show to the advertisement, for example buying a cellphone that have many feature even though in reality we can't really use them all. Firstly, From my point of view. i think advertiser giving us a overview to the things they want to introduce to us. it's up to the person if he/she will attempt to buy it. some of the products is useful but some of them also is deceiving. from my opinion perhaps we only buy the things that we actually know that we can help us to enhance other daily living. for example buying a cellphone, sometimes this thing is a lot to offer but in reality we cant really use all the features that includes to that cellphone. Secondly, i think some advertisement is a great outline for us to differentiate the things that we need to the things that we don't need. we should be more cautious, about all the advertisement. buying things that we know we cant more likely to use and things that we also know that can improve our daily routine, such as appliaces this things give us a benifits to easily do our choir. In conclusion, advertisement is a great overview for us to distinguish the things that have a progress for our everydays lives. for my opinion advertisement gives us opportunity to buy the things that we need for our daily living.
Encouragement to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
thing by advertising, In our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a part of evolution. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a thing" or simply "things"?
a things
that we
really
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
are fascinated
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
for example
buying a cellphone that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
feature
even though
in reality we can't
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them all.

Firstly
, From my point of view.
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertiser giving us
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
overview to the things they want to introduce to us. it's up to the person if he/she will attempt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
products is useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
also
is deceiving.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
my opinion perhaps we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things that we actually know that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to enhance other daily living.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example buying a cellphone,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this thing is a lot to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in reality we
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all the features that includes to that cellphone.

Secondly
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a great outline for us to differentiate the things that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to the things that we don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
should be more cautious, about all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
buying
things that we know we
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and things that we
also
know that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our daily routine, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
appliaces
this things give us a
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
to
easily
do our choir.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is a great overview for us to distinguish the things that have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
for our
Possible spelling mistake found.
everydays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
gives us opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things that we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for our daily living.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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