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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society ? How can this problem be solved.

More and more individuals are reeling under from various critical health ailments which causes overweight is a common hassle. I will discuss the solutions despite reasons. Let us deliberate a number of problems and reasons which will leads towards a logical inference. To begin with, there are myriad of reasons to shore light upon given proclivity. Discussing the first view, the most intrinsic one is that foreign food. To justify, being prompt food which causes a number of health ailments for instance high blood pressure, overweight and diabetes. Prepared junk food is not prepared in good atmosphere as well as hygienic products which are available in these stables and cheaper as compared to balanced diet. To exemplify, being I am a scholar I have not time to prepare fresh meal at home. Consequently, I'm having a number of snacks and burgers. Owing to that reason I suffer from obesity. Secondly, in these days, multitudes are couch potato despite of they are sitting long hours in a day owing to sedentary lifestyle. Hence, it is a huge reason of fat because the food is not completely degest. As proof, a survey which was conducted by scholars of the university of Columbia. They put research on 50 masses, and they found that 46 masses which were suffered from obesity because they do not any type of exercise.
More and more individuals are reeling under from various critical health ailments which causes overweight is a common hassle. I will discuss the solutions despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us deliberate a number of problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which will leads towards a logical inference.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to shore light upon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proclivity. Discussing the
first
view, the most intrinsic one is that foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To justify, being prompt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which causes a number of health ailments
for instance
high blood pressure, overweight and diabetes. Prepared junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not prepared in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
atmosphere
as well
as hygienic products which are available in these stables and cheaper
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to balanced diet. To exemplify, being I am a scholar I have not time to prepare fresh meal at home.
Consequently
, I'm having a number of snacks and burgers. Owing to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
I suffer from obesity.

Secondly
, in these days, multitudes are couch potato
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
they are sitting long hours in a day owing to sedentary lifestyle.
Hence
, it is a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not completely
Possible spelling mistake found.
degest
. As proof, a survey which
was conducted
by scholars of the university of Columbia. They put research on 50 masses, and they found that 46 masses which
were suffered
from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not any type of exercise.
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IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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