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Some people say subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children, and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in their timetable. Do you agree or disagree? Good mental exercise, reduce stress level, polish the skills,

Some people say subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children, and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in their timetable. Good mental exercise, reduce stress level, polish the skills, m1klN
In this modern era, every parent wants their children to get white-collar jobs like doctors, CEO, lawyers. Therefore, children do not focus on other subjects like art, music, drama, and creative writing. I fully agree with this statement that these courses should be added to the timetable of students. To begin with, there are numerous benefits to add art and music as an essential subject for teenagers. Firstly, nowadays students do not take care of their health because they are under pressure of getting high grades. So, it is compulsory to have art and music in their daily timetable so that they will cure their mental health and live a stressless childhood. Furthermore, School-age is the best time when the skills of children can be polished by their teacher or parents if children will learn the art and at their early age then they will become a great or experienced artist and musicians. So, if students have this kind of subject then teachers will get to know about the passion and interest of the children and guide them in the right direction. Moreover, Childhood is a golden period for every child which we can not spend only on academics. No doubt, get a good score in academic is important but the other curriculum activities are equally important for every pupil. This helps to enhance the mental strength of teenagers as a result child will become more active and smarter. In Conclusion, every student has to participate in the extra activities so that they can enjoy both academics and their passion.
In this modern era, every parent wants their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
white-collar jobs like doctors, CEO, lawyers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not focus on other subjects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, music, drama, and creative writing. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that these courses should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the timetable of students.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music as an essential subject for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Firstly
, nowadays students do not take care of their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are under pressure of getting high grades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is compulsory to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and music in their daily timetable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will cure their mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
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stressless
childhood.
Furthermore
, School-age is the best time when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
be polished
by their teacher or parents if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and at their early age then they will become a great or experienced artist and musicians.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if students have this kind of subject then teachers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the passion and interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and guide them in the right direction.

Moreover
, Childhood is a golden period for every child which we can not spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on academics. No doubt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
score in academic is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other curriculum activities are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every pupil. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enhance the mental strength of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as a result
child will become more active and smarter.

In Conclusion
, every student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
participate in the extra activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can enjoy both academics and their passion.
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IELTS essay Some people say subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial to children, and therefore they need more of these subjects to be included in their timetable. Good mental exercise, reduce stress level, polish the skills,

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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