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Describe your volunteer and community service experience.

Describe your volunteer and community service experience. awnow
The very first time volunteering without my friends was when I was 16, just finished my Matriculation Exam 2012, "Happy and Healthy Adolescent Life" course 64 in Myanmar Medical Association/United Nations Population Fund. I heard about that course from my grandma's radio and the moment I heard, one thing has appeared in my brain "it is time for volunteering and knows about life". That course was 1 week (7 Days) long program, from 8 am to 4 pm daily. In 7 days, I volunteered for HIV/AIDS infected persons with many professional doctors, played the games to know much about sex educations, and talked and listened to them about how HIV can be one of the most difficult experiences when they go through in their life. From that course, I have known details about "Sex Education". For me, as a Burmese, it can be unpleasant to say by the culture, accepted by elders. But in real life, sex education is necessary, and that all teenagers must know. If we, teenagers, didn't know about that I can't imagine what kind of mistakes can be happened in our life. I like that course because I can get educational facts that my environment can’t provide. Moreover, I can learn what mindsets of teenagers can happen at my age. Secondly, from the first volunteering experience, I felt enjoy in participating as a volunteer. So, I joined again in Myanmar Young Entrepreneurs' Association after 1 month of first volunteering. This time, not only as a volunteer but also my time of service to the community. In a short time (only 3 Days), I got a lot of young entrepreneur friends who are already becoming or trying to become. I gain satisfaction because I got tremendous knowledge about Myanmar business, insight on different career paths, and the skills and qualifications needed for certain positions. In addition, I clearly understand how handling in career industries. The last volunteering was in Schneider Electric before go and study in Japan in 2014. It was not just volunteering. It is more correct to say global student competition for green energy solutions, the title was "Go Green in the City". They offered outstanding students, from Roll No. 1 to 5, from every Technological University. I was one of the outstanding students they offered. So I participated. They created 20 groups which had 2 persons in each group in Myanmar, went around Yangon city to plant various kinds of trees, and gave lessons to know about global warming. And then, I competed in every single step and won and, there were only 2 groups ( 4 persons ) last in the final step. A winning group can be got chance to go and continue competing with other countries winners in Paris. But our group lost and reliable as one of the finalists. However, I really proud of it. That competition and volunteering helped me to get knowledge about what is a green city as “a city that promotes energy efficiency and renewable energy in all its activities, extensively promotes green solutions. In conclusion, as for me, I treasure my ability to help others and I continue to do more volunteering activities for me and for my country. And also to discover hidden lessons in the world.
The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
without my friends was when I was 16,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished my Matriculation Exam 2012,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Happy and Healthy Adolescent Life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
64 in Myanmar Medical Association/United Nations Population Fund. I heard about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
from my grandma's radio and the moment I heard, one thing has appeared in my brain
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
about life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
was 1 week (7 Days) long program, from 8 am to 4 pm daily. In 7 days, I volunteered for HIV/AIDS infected persons with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professional doctors, played the games to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
much about sex educations, and talked and listened to them about how HIV can be one of the most difficult experiences when they go through in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. From that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I have known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Sex Education
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. For me, as a Burmese, it can be unpleasant to say by the culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by elders.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, sex education is necessary, and that all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
. If we,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, didn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about that I can't imagine what kind of mistakes can
be happened
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I like that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educational facts that my environment can’t provide.
Moreover
, I can learn what mindsets of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can happen at my age.

Secondly
, from the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
experience, I felt enjoy in participating as a volunteer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
again in Myanmar Young Entrepreneurs' Association after 1 month of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a volunteer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of service to the community. In a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3 Days), I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young entrepreneur friends who are already becoming or trying to become. I gain satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
tremendous knowledge about Myanmar business, insight on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
career paths, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and qualifications needed for certain positions.
In addition
, I
clearly
understand how handling in career industries.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
was in Schneider Electric
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
go and study in Japan in 2014. It was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
. It is more correct to say global student competition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
energy solutions, the title was
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Green
in the City
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. They offered outstanding students, from Roll No. 1 to 5, from every Technological University. I was one of the outstanding students they offered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I participated. They created 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
which had 2 persons in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in Myanmar, went around Yangon city to plant various kinds of trees, and gave lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about global warming. And then, I competed in every single step and won and, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
4 persons
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
last in the final step. A winning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chance to go and continue competing with other countries winners in Paris.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
lost and reliable as one of the finalists.
However
, I
really
proud of it. That competition and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about what is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
city as “a city that promotes energy efficiency and renewable energy in all its activities,
extensively
promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
green
solutions.

In conclusion
, as for me, I treasure my ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others and I continue to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
activities for me and for my country. And
also
to discover hidden lessons in the world.
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IELTS essay Describe your volunteer and community service experience.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
543 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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