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Shopping is now one of the most days activity in many nations for young adult why is this is it positive or negative development

Shopping is now one of the most days activity in many nations for young adult why is this is it positive or negative development E3AAq
Shopping is most popular activity among youngsters nowadays, due to the fact that it is good stress releaser. In my opinion, I find it as positive development as it boost the economy of any nation as well as increase the financial planning skills in young adults. I will discuss about it in upcoming paragraph. To begin with the advantages of the shopping for adult. First and foremost one is that it is fruitful action to reduce worries and tensions as by purchasing their favourite things they can get the happiness which will not only overcome their stress but also they can perform tasks in a better way. Along with this, by doing shopping with unlimited money, one will visit to 3-4 shops in order to take thing in a best price so in this way one can learn about the financial planning skills which are extremely important for state. Furthermore, because of globalisation they come to across about the latest trend and fashions by buying different ornaments, clothes etcetera. Besides this, if rate of consumerism rises then a lot of money will added in the official treasury which definitely enhance the economy of nation. Therefore in this way it is it is prove as blissful for youngsters as well as for the nation. To conclude, shopping is a stress buster for persons in young age and source of income for the the country. Hence, it is a good. In the end, I want to say that the prices of the things should be decreased owing to the fact that more and more people can take the benefits from shopping.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
popular activity among youngsters nowadays, due to the fact that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
releaser. In my opinion, I find it as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it boost the economy of any nation
as well
as increase the financial planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in young adults. I will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in upcoming paragraph. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the advantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for adult.
First
and foremost one is that it is fruitful action to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
worries and tensions as by purchasing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
things they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the happiness which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
overcome their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can perform tasks in a better way. Along with this, by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with unlimited money, one will visit to 3-4 shops in order to take thing in
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this way one can learn about the financial planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for state.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to across about the latest trend and fashions by buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ornaments, clothes etcetera.
Besides
this, if rate of consumerism rises then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "add"
added
in the official treasury which definitely enhance the economy of nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in this way
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "it is".
it is it is
Consider using a past participle here: "proved", "proven".
prove
as blissful for youngsters
as well
as for the nation.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster for persons in young age and source of income for
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
country.
Hence
, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I want to say that the prices of the things should
be decreased
owing to the fact that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can take the benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
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IELTS essay Shopping is now one of the most days activity in many nations for young adult why is this is it positive or negative development

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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