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some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. PVM82
Some people argue that compared to the past nowdays there is less communication between family members. I totally agree that today's people are less involved with families on daily bases. To commence with, In today's era everyone are busy in their work due to that they are lack of time to devote time with family members. Firstly to secure job they have less chance to get leaves from job, consequence to that they do not have enough time to spend with family members. Secondly, the company use to offer projects to the employees with the deadlines, so they also have to work extra hours to complete it. Sometimes to get higher post or promotion in company they have to complete project on time better than other employees. In addition, by looking towards working man they are busy with work and on free time they will attracted towards social media for example instagram, Facebook, Snapchat etc. And children are less interested in family talks they like to do parties and sports activities with their friends. In recent research it has found that human beings are less socialised nowadays because they would busy most of time in their works and also it is impacting on our tradition that there joint families are happy happy family compared to the nuclear family and today's there is dwindling of joint family. In conclusion, due to vast change in development and technology it has impacted on families because people are forgotten family due to busy in work and socialmedia.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that compared to the past
Possible spelling mistake found.
nowdays
there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
involved with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
on daily bases. To commence with, In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "is", "was", "were".
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
due to that they are lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to devote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Firstly
to secure job they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
from job,
The usual preposition to use after "consequence" is not "to". Did you mean "consequence of", "consequence for", or "consequence on"?
consequence to
that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
offer projects to the employees with the deadlines,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra hours to complete it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher post or promotion in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete project on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
better than other employees.
In addition
, by looking towards working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and on free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "attract"
attracted
towards social media
for example
Possible spelling mistake found.
instagram
, Facebook, Snapchat etc. And children are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
talks they like to do parties and sports activities with their friends. In recent research it has found that human beings are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their works and
also
it is impacting on our tradition that there joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
Possible typo: you repeated a word
happy happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
compared to the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's there is dwindling of joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In conclusion
, due to vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in development and technology it has impacted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forgotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
busy
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
socialmedia
.

IELTS essay some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
253 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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