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some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion. wrJ3
It seems that music is ever present in our society. Everybody has an opinion on taste of music. Perhaps because of its popularity, there are statement from some people that music is good way for bringing people of different cultures and ages. There are various types of music. Additionally, I love the music pop. First of all let's take a look on the advantages and disadvantages of hearing music. The positive impacts that can we get from hearing music. First, if we stressful we can more relaxing if we hear a music. Secondly, we can get motivation from a song. From example, when I got rejected at various colleges last year, at that time it felt like I was very stressed and I told my friends. Then, she gave a suggestion to listen a song, after I listened to the song the feeling at that time became calmer rather than before. Beside that, we can see the negative impacts that we can get. One of them is when we listen to songs when the time is not right and it can make us lack or lazy. For example, when we are study and the teacher was teaching us, but we listen to songs instead. Additionally, this is the bad situation whe we heard a song Moving into the reasons tha people say music is a good way to bringing people of different cultures and ages. I agree with this statement because I felt firsthand how it happened. Cause of the different types of music and people who has a different taste. For example, when I love the kpop there are many people which are different cultures and ages meet in there. Additionally,
It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is ever present in our society. Everybody has an opinion on taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its popularity, there are statement from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a good".
good
way for bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages. There are various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Additionally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
pop.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "lets"?
let's
take a look on the advantages and disadvantages of hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts that can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from hearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
First
, if
It seems that a verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here. Please verify.
we stressful
we can more relaxing if we hear a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Secondly
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivation from a song. From example, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rejected at various colleges last year, at that time it felt like I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
my friends. Then, she gave a suggestion to listen a song, after I listened to the song the feeling at that time became calmer
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Beside that, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. One of them is when we listen to songs when the time is not right and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us lack or lazy.
For example
, when we are study and the teacher was teaching us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we listen to songs
instead
.
Additionally
, this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation
Possible spelling mistake found.
whe
we heard a song

Moving into the reasons
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I felt firsthand how it happened. Cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
taste.
For example
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
kpop
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in there.
Additionally
,
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IELTS essay some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. with this opinion.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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